Dr Vicki - Better Parenting Institute
Dr Vicki - Better Parenting Institute
 
  Dr Vicki - Better Parenting Institute
 

Archive for January, 2009

Some Kids Have It and Some Don’t

Tuesday, January 27th, 2009

Motivation. Some kids have it and some don’t. For some, grades are their own reward. For others, grades are just the indicators of how much trouble they are in. Still others are motivated only to put in the minimum effort, claiming, “What’s the matter with C’s? C’s are average!” Or worse yet; “At least D’s are passing!”

Motivation is usually equated with effort, which is equated with grades. The first issue at hand is whether this is true for your child. Your student could be highly motivated, putting in a great deal of effort and still getting grades below your expectations. If this is the case, it may be necessary to acknowledge that your child is working to her capacity and become more realistic about academic expectations. Or, a child could be highly motivated but lacking the skills to apply her efforts effectively. This may indicate a need to develop better study habits or better time management and organizational skills.

If after taking a look at your child’s degree of effort and study habits, you find she simply isn’t internally motivated to put in the effort required to get good grades, then some external motivation seems indicated. Motivation can be encouraged by means of negative or positive outcomes. In other words, a child can be presented with a series of meaningful consequences if the desired grades are not achieved, or with meaningful rewards if the grades are acceptable. I use the word meaningful to signify that whether they be negative or positive outcomes, they have to have some significant meaning to your child. For instance, if she is not a sweets-lover, and you threaten to take away desserts, this may not have any significant motivational effect on her academic efforts. However, if she likes to talk on the phone with friends (or in this day and age ‘IM’ her friends,) then the opportunity to communicate with friends may be useful as either a meaningful reward or consequence.

Now, you might ask how can the same activity (i.e.-use of the phone) be both a negative consequence and a positive reward? It’s all in the way you present it. You can threaten to take away a privilege if grades don’t improve; or you can reward with privileges for academic improvement. Most of us are more motivated when working toward something (i.e.-a raise or promotion) rather than working away from a negative (i.e.-threat of being fired.) Putting the proverbial ‘carrot’ in front of your child can light a fire under her feet and create the motivation to achieve. Granted, she may not be striving for grades, per se. However, if the dangling carrot gets the desired result, then you both win. You get the academic achievement that is meaningful to you, and she gets the reward that is meaningful to her.

As published in Hometown News.

© MMVI Vicki Panaccione, Ph.D.

Making It On Your own

Sunday, January 18th, 2009

Moving out of the parents’ house for first time can be rough. Whether it’s for college, a job or the military, no matter if it’s an apartment far away or close by, there is almost always an adjustment process after leaving the nest.

“It can be a very emotional and stressful time,” said Dr. Vicki Panaccione, a child psychologist in Melbourne (FL).
Panaccione said the stress can come from nervousness, excitement, and having to take on more responsibility.
“When you move out, all of the sudden you’re juggling a lot of balls,” she said.

Beating homesickness:
From local child psychologist Dr. Vicki Panaccione:

For the newly moved out
• Make frequent contact with home. Arrange ahead of time when you will call your parents — every Sunday evening, for example. You also can keep in touch throughout the week by instant messaging and e-mails.
• Have possessions and pictures around your new place that remind you of home.
• There are many ways to get involved on college campuses. Go to the gym; find a study buddy. If you are really having a hard time, see a counselor.

For parents:
• The best way to prepare your kids for life on their own is to start early. Teach them how to do laundry and other basic life skills during their adolescence. Help them find an organizational strategy and work on scheduling before they move out.
• Encourage your child to call you instead of calling them. Sometimes you have to back away.

As published in Florida Today.

© MMVI Vicki Panaccione, Ph.D.

Don’t Forget the Hugs

Thursday, January 15th, 2009

“Children need to know they are loved simply for existing, not because of what they do, what grades they bring home, but just because of who they are.”
Vicki Panaccione, Ph.D., child psychologist

Parents spend a lot of time telling kids to clean their room, do their homework, wash the dishes, stop fighting with their siblings, brush their teeth and go to bed. When it comes to raising responsible and loving children, discipline is an important part of parenting. But so is affection.

Yet, sometimes, during hectic days, parents simply forget to show their children love, and no one can afford to do that.

Melbourne child psychologist (Dr.) Vicki Panaccione wants parents to show love, not just assume their children already know. She hung a sign outside of her office that reads: Dr. Vicki Says “Hug Your Kids Today”.

“It’s important to spread the word about how parents can have great relationships with their kids,” Panaccione said. “In the hustle and bustle of the day and week, a lot of times we forget. It kind of passes, and we’ve missed the moment, particularly as our kids get older.”

She’s gotten a lot of response to the sign from parents who honk horns in agreement or pull over to follow the sign’s advice.

“I think knowing that you are unconditionally loved is the most important thing a child needs to know,” Panaccione said. “The need to know they are loved simply for existing, not because of what they do, what grades they bring home.

“First, you have to receive love in order to be able to give love,” she added. “You must feel that you are a lovable person in order to gain confidence and self-esteem.”

As published in Florida Today.
Florida Today

© MMVI Vicki Panaccione, Ph.D.

Is that Your Cell Blinging?

Monday, January 5th, 2009

Time was when phones were considered one step above two Dixie cups and string. Not anymore. “Children are getting (cell phones) at younger and younger ages,” noted licensed psychologist Dr. Vicki Panaccione. “And they’re using them as toys. They use them as cameras. And text-messaging is the new way to pass notes in class.” Accessorizing phones has become a big deal, according to Panaccione, who says based on counseling sessions with families,  “It’s mostly about one-upsmanship. I’m seeing many parents spend more money on these things that really are more gimmicky than useful,” she said.

As published in Florida Today, Mar 7, 2004.
Florida Today

© MMVI
Vicki Panaccione, Ph.D.

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dr vicki panaccione

Internationally recognized as a passionate and dedicated parent/child specialist, child psychologist "Dr. Vicki” Panaccione has spent the last 25 years helping thousands of families strengthen what she calls the "CaringConnection", the emotional bond between parents and children.

“Dr. Vicki is the author of Discovering Your Child: Parent Guide, and CaringConnections, her weekly online newsletter, helping parents find joy and fulfillment in their relationships
with their children. Read more...

 
 
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