| |
Archive for August, 2009
Saturday, August 29th, 2009
 Nighttime Space Shuttle Discovery Launch The midnight sky suddenly lit up like a fire ball; white, billowy smoke was exploding from the horizon and the ocean waves appeared to sparkle like fairy dust. I stared up at the sky as the Space Shuttle Discovery launched into space, the sky so clear that we could actually see the two rocket boosters separate from the rocket and descend toward the sea. I was totally in awe…others were fast asleep in their beds.
Asleep? Uninterested? Inconvenienced? No way! Like me, many of us go through life excited about little things like a bird’s nest, puddles and indulging in chocolate, knowing that the miraculous events such as a space shuttle launch happen less often. Others become so bored and blasé, they say, “Oh, I’ve already seen one,” “Been there, done that,” and are therefore no longer interested in watching another shuttle light up the sky by night, sail into the clouds by day nor experience the delayed rattle and shaking of the earth about a minute or so after the bird takes flight.
Sad, really. These folks are letting life pass them by, sucked into the drudge of autopilot and missing the opportunities to celebrate, be joyful or fulfilled by the daily miracles called their children.
Many parents I have seen in my office fall into a state of autopilot, seeing parenting as another obligation rather than an inspiration. They are so overwhelmed and burdened, that they find themselves angry, inconvenienced and frustrated with their kids more than they revel in the little things…like runny noses wiped on shirt sleeves, a 10-second non-speaking part in the school play, a handful of weeds thrust at them with pride. Or, how about the teens who are ’in love’ and get their hearts broken, grow out of their athletic supporter, or beat up their younger siblings but fiercely defend them when others try to bully.
The Space Shuttle launch had three days of delays, bad weather and malfunctions. Folks at NASA waiting for launch probably felt aggravation, frustration and inconvenience. However, they continued to express a great deal of determination, pride and awe of the magnificence of their creation. Then they literally cheered as Discovery headed upwards.
Like the Space Shuttle, your kids will have malfunctions, delays and stormy days. However, they will also become ready to blast off from the launch pad and follow their own course. I encourage any of you feeling on autopilot to downshift into manual drive. From there you will still become aggravated, frustrated and inconvenienced at times. And yet downshifting will help you slow down enough to really notice and enjoy the multitude of facets during prelaunch…
Knowing that the clock is ticking and the countdown has already begun.
Remember: Kids are gifts…Enjoy their Presence!
Enjoy your kids!
Tags: child, children, Family, kids, love, nasa, parent, Parenting, parents, space shuttle, space shuttle discovery, space shuttle launch, unconditional love
Posted in Communication, Family, Parenting | 2 Comments »
Monday, August 17th, 2009
 My awesome son Today is my son’s birthday. At 4:05 a.m., Alex turned 23. Wow! How did that happen??? Surely I haven’t aged that much!
It seems like only yesterday that he was a baby! Then, before I knew it he was going off to kindergarten. And, I cried. “Tomorrow he’ll be going to high school,” I lamented. His dad laughed at me.
Then, sure enough… the next day he did, in fact, go off to high school. Again, I cried. “Tomorrow he’ll be going to college,” I sobbed. Now, his dad wasn’t laughing. And, then, sure enough…off he went. And now he’s in grad school!
It was amazing how different everything was without him. No more running to soccer games and band concerts; no more bake sales and book fairs; no more science fair projects and poster contests. The house was quiet, clothes and towels weren’t strewn around the bathroom, I could see his bedroom floor and there was no need to nag about taking out the garbage or emptying the dishwasher.
Sounds like every mother’s dream? Be careful what you wish for! I was miserable.
As a child psychologist, I work with parents who tend to fall into one of three categories: the ones who can’t wait for the kids to leave home, the ones who never want their kids to leave and the ones who straddle the fence.
Time flies when you’re raising kids. Sure, there are days that you feel like pulling your hair out…and your kid offering to do it for you! And, then there are the times when your heart just bursts with love.
But, we can get too caught up in the daily drudge of homework, baths and discipline. It’s easy to lose the joy of being a parent, spending time with the kids and watching them grow. So…
Yes, you can yell at your daughter for spilling her milk.
You can tell your kids to “shut up” because they get too noisy.
You can resent all the dirty clothes piled on the floor.
You can spend the day giving your son the silent treatment.
Or not!
Bottom line? It all goes away far too soon. So, here’s my advice:
- Cherish the little things
- Don’t sweat the small stuff
- Stop taking yourself so seriously
- Laugh with your kids everyday
- Pick your ‘no’s”
- Have family time on a regular basis
- Find ways to enjoy being a parent
So—how about it? Do you pick and choose your battles? Is seeing your little girl with your lipstick all over her face, or your son with his new shoes covered in mud really times to yell and blow your stack? Or are they times to clean up, reprimand and secretly smile to yourself, filing the moment in your memory bank for heart-warming reflection at a later date?
Take it from someone who knows only too well…
It’s the little things that fill your home with the sweet presence of children. And these moments will be gone before you know it. When you won’t have to deal with muddy shoes, ‘borrowed’ lipstick and dirty laundry anymore… will that be a good thing?
So, enjoy your children— they grow up way too soon!
Tags: affection, birthday, child, Child Development, children, college, Discipline, Family, high school, homework, kids, parent, Parenting, parents, praise, self-esteem, unconditional love
Posted in Family | 2 Comments »
Saturday, August 15th, 2009
 The Gosselin family
Over the past few weeks, I have received a number of calls from Life & Style, Star and People magazines all wanting expert advice, mostly about Jon & Kate Gosselin (the famous parents of 8-year-old-twins and 5-year-old sextuplets,) their very public divorce, and how it affects the kids.
Though more public than most, their divorce brings up basic issues not only applying to their kids, but for all kids dealing with their parents’ divorce.
This week, Life & Style called after Kate was interviewed on Today. Her #1 concern…
“The kids think we’re getting back together.” “We’ve had to go over it a few times,” she commented.
Not surprisingly, it will probably take many more repetitions for the kids to understand that their parents are no longer married, and even more time to accept it…especially when they are receiving very confusing messages.
My comments to Life & Style regarding Jon & Kate are no different than the recommendations I would give to any divorcing parent. Here are some issues and my advice:
- Jon & Kate told the kids they had split, but Jon pops in and out on a regular basis and still films the show (which still has the same family title.) Kate, however, leaves when he comes; but the kids don’t get it. So have things changed or not?
- Advice: Don’t just talk the talk. If, in fact, parents are no longer together, their behavior needs to reflect that…particularly when the kids are young, and while they are still trying to wrap their minds around it.
- Kate still wears her wedding band to ‘avoid upsetting the kids.’ “They know it’s a Mommy’s-married-to-Daddy ring,” she said. How confusing is that?
- Advice: Young kids have difficulty understanding abstract concepts, like divorce. They do much better with concrete, visual examples of the split. If Mommy and Daddy aren’t married anymore, then take off the ring that symbolizes that!
- Implied in the article, but not fully addressed: “Jon’s brazen flaunting of (his) 22-year-old girlfriend.” How are the kids supposed to understand that?!
- Advice: TMI!! This new relationship should not have been made public for the kids to have to deal with while they are still reeling and trying to understand what’s happened to Mommy and Daddy!
Celebs or not, parents are parents and kids are kids…the issues and needs are the same. My advice: Make decisions and act with the kids’ best interest in mind!!
For full article: Life & Style , Aug. 24, 2009
Tags: behavior, child, children, Communication, divorce, emotional, Family, Gosellin, Jon & Kate, Jon & Kate Plus 8, Jon Gosellin, Kate Gosellin, parent, Parenting, parents, secure, security, unconditional love
Posted in Family | Add a Comment »
|
|
 |
|
 |
Internationally recognized as a passionate and dedicated parent/child specialist, child psychologist "Dr. Vicki” Panaccione has spent the last 25 years helping thousands of families strengthen what she calls the "CaringConnection", the emotional bond between parents and children.
“Dr. Vicki is the author of Discovering Your Child: Parent Guide, and CaringConnections, her weekly online newsletter, helping parents find joy and fulfillment in their relationships
with their children. Read more... |
|
|
|
