Kids are From Krypton; Parents are from Pluto Radio series update Sept. 2, 2010: Homework is an important part of your kids’ learning. It fortifies the lesson, and offers the opportunity to help them when they make mistakes. And in order to help your kids become successful, here are some suggestions for homework time:
* Set aside a daily homework time.
* Identify a specific place to do homework.
* Make sure that your kids have the supplies necessary to conduct the work.
* Schedule a certain amount of time in which your kids have to engage in school-related work.
* Review homework with your kids…don’t do it for them!!!
* Analyze why your kids are making errors.
* Praise your kids for their effort, not merely correct answers.
* Allow your children to take responsibility for their homework.
* Remain calm.
* Believe in your kids’ ability to be responsible and successful.
TOP 5 TIPS OF THE WEEK:
Set aside a time for homework every school day.
Identify a specific place where each of your kids does their work.
Make sure your kids have the supplies they need to do their work.
Review their work if necessary; don’t do the work for them.
Show your kids you love them…through your words and your actions.
Kids Are From Krypton Parents Are From Pluto Radio update Aug. 19, 2010: Is school a mall, day care center or sporting event? The way you view your relationship with your kids’ school has a huge impact on your kids’ involvement, attitude and subsequently their education. If parents see school as a store and education as a commodity (what you’re ‘buying,’) then it’s like walking into Macy’s, paying your money (tax dollars or private tuition) for a product and expecting to get what you pay for. In this scenario, where does the responsibility lie? Who is responsible for their kids’ education? Only role you have is to complain to ‘customer services’ whenever you are not a happy consumer.
Viewing the school as a daycare center, also suggests lack of participation on parents’ part. Here, school serves as a substitute parent. This leaves the school to take over, so you are able to abdicate any responsibilities and place them firmly on the shoulders of the teachers. Parents who take this attitude tend to be uninvolved, and perhaps have little time for their kids and annoyed if the school is encouraging their involvement.
The school as a sporting arena or event, is an attitude of responsible, involved parents who want to work with the school on behalf of their child. In this view, parents are flexible and cooperative. You are a member of the team—and are willing to play whatever role the team needs—from cheerleader, to disciplinarian to strategist… whatever is needed for the team to have a WIN—meaning great education for the child, and the development of successful character traits.
TOP 5 TIPS OF THE WEEK:
You have the greatest impact on your kids’ learning.
Understand that your kids need you to play a huge, cooperative role in their education.
Recognize that you, your child, teachers, administrators, and so on, are on the same team.
As a team member, playing your position is crucial to the ultimate success of your child.
Show your kids you love them…through your words and your actions.
Kids Are From Krypton Parents Are From Pluto Radio update August 12, 2010: It’s August and a great time to be making new year’s resolutions. New school year, that is. With the school year soon upon us, the time is ripe for reflecting on the successes, as well as the trials and tribulations, of school years past. What worked? What didn’t work? In which areas did your child do well? Where were the pitfalls? What steps can be taken to make this year even better than the last one?
Many of the students I work with are touting plans to have a great school year. “I’m gonna do good this year,” (their grammar, not mine!); “I’m going to get my act together;” and on and on they go. Commendable goals, don’t you think? Yet, while parents are happy to hear their children striving for improvement and success, I am concerned about how these same children might be setting themselves up for failure. The desire to do well, perform better and raise their GPA’s, is something we would like all of our children to develop. How they actually accomplish this, is another story.
The weakness in many of these cited resolutions is lack of planning and forethought. Children are expecting to do things that they have not a clue how to accomplish, or that are simply unrealistic. This is where they find themselves in a no-win situation. And this is how they end up with a repeat of last year’s problems, and with yet another blow to their self-confidence.
When a student tells me, “I’m gonna do good this year,” I want to know what that means to him. Many times they have no idea what to do; they just know they want to do it. My inquiry to the specifics of ‘doing good’ tends to be met with a litany of changes: “I’m gonna do all my homework, I’m gonna get all A’s, I’m gonna study more, I’m gonna, I’m gonna, I’m gonna.” To which I respond with something like, “It’s really great you want to do all these things; what got in your way from doing them last year?” I want to see if they know why homework didn’t get done, what kinds of grades they received, what it actually means to study, etc. It is only after we explore the facts of what happened in the past that we can set specific, realistic goals for the coming year.
This kind of analysis is quite eye-opening. It also offers a way to develop resolutions that are realistic rather than impossible to reach. Developing realistic expectations is the key. It is wonderful for students (as well as parents) to expect successful performance. While expectations can be set high, they also must be realistic. For example, if a student made failing grades last year due to disinterest and lack of effort, then getting all A’s might be a realistic goal. However, if a child who has been struggling and making D’s and F’s tells me he plans to make all A’s, it is very likely that he will fall short of his goal. And typically, once a child realizes that his goal cannot be reached, his efforts to succeed will diminish. It is our job as parents to set high, but realistic expectations, and teach our children to do the same. In this case, it is more helpful to set a goal for improvement of last year’s grades. Striving for all A’s out of the starting gate is not realistic. Starting off with the goal of no F’s and at least one C, for example, is much more likely to be attained. From that accomplishment, can come further goal-setting for the next increment of success.
So, much like the resolutions we make on January 1st each year, our child’s resolutions also need to be realistic and planned out. When we plan to lost 20 pounds in a month, we fail. When we plan to lose two pounds a month, with a healthy eating plan, we are much more likely to be successful. Such is the same for new school year resolutions. Unrealistic goals on the part of parent or child are likely to fail, breeding frustration and poor self-esteem. Setting your sights on realistic horizons will help your child soar into this new school year.
TOP 5 TIPS OF THE WEEK:
Evaluate last school year, and identify what worked and what didn’t work.
Help your kids develop their goals for the new school year.
Encourage your kids to reach their goals in realistic stages.
Remember that school is a place to grow in lots of different ways.
Show your kids you love them…through your words and your actions.
Kids Are From Krypton Parents Are From Pluto Radio update July 29, 2010: You are in this together. You and the teachers are a team. Teachers want you to know that they have your kids’ best interest in mind.
Speak respectfully of school, teachers and administrators. Disagreeing with something is not synonymous with talking negatively and disrespectfully about the institution or your child’s education
Make your child’s education a priority. Being involved in outside activities is a good thing, in moderation. However, while it is great for children to be involved in extra-curriculars, homework is getting pushed to the back burner way too often.
Make a time and a place for homework/studying. School responsibilities need to be your kids’ #1 priority. School is their job.That means not letting other things get in the way of their job responsibilities, nor find excuses about other things you did that got in the way of what you were supposed to do.
Hold your kids accountable. Teachers want to partner with parents to raise responsible children. That means allowing them to experience the consequences of their actions when they are not prepared. Parents: Don’t bail your kids out! Kids will learn from their mistakes, only if parents are willing to allow them to do so.
Read to your kids. Even when they can read to themselves.
Take an interest in your kids’ education. Know what they are learning, when projects are due, who they sit with at lunch and play with on the playground.
Make sure your kids get enough sleep. Kids are being put to bed way too late, making them ill-rested in the morning and not very alert for school. Have a set bedtime and a night-time routine to help them unwind and settle into bed.
Be mindful of your kids’ diet. Kids are coming to school without a good breakfast. Send them off to school with a good breakfast, and pack healthy lunches and/or snacks. Teach them how to make good decisions regarding food choices.
Send your kids off to school with a hug and a smile. Mornings can be hectic and stressful; kids are arriving at school stressed out and harried because of the lack of morning routine and organization. Creating a morning routine can decrease the chaos and increase a positive send-off.
TOP 5 TIPS OF THE WEEK:
Remember: You and the teacher are teammates—not adversaries.
Make your kids’ education their #1 priority; extra-curricular activities come 2nd.
Provide the time, space and materials for your kids to do homework, study and read.
Send your kids off in the morning with a hug and a smile.
Show your kids you love them…through your words and your actions.
“Kids Across/Parents Down” is the #1 family crossword in newspaper syndication. Created by Jan Buckner Walker, the puzzle–with down clues geared to parents and across clues geared to kids–encourages families to have fun together. It’s an entertaining, educational puzzle for kids ages 5-13. Kids Across/Parents Down gets parents actively involved and draws young people into the newspaper. Please go check out the creator’s website!
Last week, a 6th grade teacher in a North Carolina Middle School, deemed one of his students a ‘Loser’ and put his comments on her school paper. The teacher, Rex Roland, insisted that he was ‘just joking,’ and used this kind of language to ‘relate to the students.’ His supporters said that he likes to joke with students and that’s part of his teaching style. Well, writing ‘loser’ on a student’s paper is no joke. In fact, the mother of this girl had previously complained to the administration and was assured that the teacher would stop using the word. He didn’t.
And now, the girl is paying the consequences. She has reportedly been staying home from school due to student response to their teacher being side-lined for the next two weeks. She has been getting angry Facebook and text messages threatening her, saying that she did a “bad thing” and for that she must be punished. Other messages called her names such as ‘freak’ and used gay slurs and many obscenities. The family says that some threats were serious enough that the girl and her family fear for their safety.
Well, hasn’t Rex Roland been a great teacher? He has been a stellar model for using name-calling, demeaning remarks and derogatory comments as ways to deal with his students. And, guess what? The students seem to have learned their lessons well. They are now using his techniques to bombard their classmate with name-calling, threats and obscene messages. Their parents, the supporters of this teacher, should be so proud.
All because this girl didn’t want to be called a “loser.” No child—ever—should be demeaned by anyone, especially an adult. Kids can joke around, gesturing an “L” for loser on their foreheads. When they all agree it’s funny, then it’s playful. When kids do it in an effort to degrade another kid…it’s not funny…it’s bullying. It was bad enough that Mr. Roland thought it was funny to write ‘loser’ on the girl’s paper the first time. However, to have been requested to stop—and then to purposefully do it again is bullying. Plain and simple.
We rely on teachers to be good role models, set the example, and treat kids with dignity and respect. Those who do should be thanked and appreciated. Those who don’t, do not deserve to be in the classroom. Those who bully, do not deserve to be around kids. And, the kids who are feeding off of Mr. Roland’s example of demeaning and denigrating their fellow student need to see what happens when those kinds of messages are delivered. Their teacher, Mr. Roland, needs to be fired from his position and sued by the family. These ensuing events need to occur for two reasons. One is to show him who the loser really is. And the second, and more important reason, is to teach his students, his ‘followers,’ that this kind of behavior is totally unacceptable.
Once upon a time in India, six blind men came across an elephant. Each of the six examined a different part to determine what an elephant was like.
The first man examined an ear and thought an elephant was like a fan.
The second man examined the side of the elephant and thought an elephant was like a wall.
The third man examined elephant’s tail and thought an elephant was like a rope.
The fourth man examined the elephant’s trunk and thought an elephant was like a
snake.
The fifth man examined the elephant’s leg and though an elephant was very much like a tree.
The sixth man examined the elephant’s tusk and thought an elephant was like a spear.
Sam Gross, the cartoonist actually added a seventh man who touched the elephant’s droppings and thought the elephant was soft and mushy!
Then they all went away to tell their story of what an elephant was like. When they compared notes on what they learned, they found themselves in complete disagreement!
So, who was right? They were all right, of course, based on their own personal perspective. Could it be argued that they were all wrong? Of course. Because you know what an elephant is really like. But, you wouldn’t be able to convince any one of them, because their experience and perspective told them otherwise. So, they all had the same intention; they were all at the same place at the same time. And yet, based on their own personal experience, they came away with very different viewpoints.
This story illustrates how much reality may be viewed differently depending upon one’s perspective. This same scenario plays out everyday with your kids. You think you’re on the same page—and find that you’re not even on the same planet! And, if you don’t talk with them—yes, with not at—you’ll never know which part of the elephant they touched—and how much their perspective of the situation can vary from your own.
Oprah’s latest question of the week was: Does Everyone Have an Inner Voice?
My answer…a resounding YES!
Sound familiar?….
“I’m not going to do that to my kids”, “I’m never going to be like them,” “When I grow up and have kids, I’m never going to spank them”…
How many times did you find yourself thinking that when you were a child? And yet, years later…All of a sudden, something comes out of your mouth and OH NO…
“I sound just like my mother!” “Argh!”
Or you get so angry with your son that you find yourself raising your hand and…
“What am I doing? I swore I would never hit my kids like dad did to us!”
What you are doing is following your internal programming, your subconscious, what Blair Singer calls your ‘Little Voice’…that’s right, the one that’s buzzing inside your head right now saying, “What little voice? I don’t have a little voice!” That’s the one.
We all have a Little Voice (LV) that rules us without our even knowing it. I liken the LV to a file cabinet filled with CD’s. When you are born, you come into the world with a file cabinet, the drawers full of blank CD’s—CD’s with nothing on them.
This means that you came into this world with no preconceived notions of how you ought to be. No internal voice telling you who you are. And this is true…as a newborn, you played by nobody’s rules but your own. Because blank CD’s make no sound.
Then, life kicks in and you become bombarded by messages, positive and negative, spoken and implied. They come from not only your mother, as the title suggests, but from your parents, teachers, coaches, religious leaders, other family members and friends, as well as traumas, random events, etc. Any time a message had a significant impact on your subconscious, you were inwardly told to save this one…burn the CD…and live according to this message. Hence, your ever-expanding CD collection became your Little Voice…popped in and played over and over again in your mind, molding your thinking, beliefs, and consequently your behavior. Your LV began ruling your life from the time you were very young and continues to rule right up to the present day!
We all have a combination of positive and negative CD’s composing our LV, which 99% of the time we don’t even know are playing. Every so often it screams: “Warning—don’t do it!” This could be a message intended to protect you, or to hold you back. Regardless of why a particular message got burned to one of your CD’s, they are being continually repeated in your mind. Right now, the LV rules you. It has tremendous power and influence over you, because most of the time, you don’t even know it’s there!
In his revolutionary book, “Little Voice” Mastery, How to Win the War Between your Ears in 30 Seconds or Less—and Have an Extraordinary Life! Blair Singer helps people gain control over that self-sabotaging ‘Little Voice’ that prevents them from being the best they can be!” Click here to check it out!
Why am I telling you this? Because I am extremely proud to say that Blair Singer and I have joined forces and are in the process of co-authoring the sequel to his book! “Little Voice” Mastery for Parents focuses specifically on how your ‘Little Voice’ affects the way you are raising your kids. The more control you get of your ‘Little Voice,’ the more effective you will be as a parent. You will find yourself more able to identify when you are functioning on auto-pilot, so you can tell your ‘Little Voice’ to take a hike and parent the way you choose! Stay tune for more details as we get closer to the launch…
Well, I hope you were able to catch my radio debut. It is a new parenting series, “Kids are from Krypton; Parents are from Pluto™”. It’s on heartbeatradiousa.com every Thursday at 1:30 pm EST. Catch it on live stream or WRHB Heartbeat Radio for Women. For the next four weeks, we’ll be talking about communicating with your kids. Each week I’ll be posting communication tips of the week. Hope you can join us next week (February 25th)!
Here are the Top 5 Tips for the week:
Put yourself in your kids’ shoes. They see the world from a WHOLE different perspective!
Set a good example. Kids learn not only from what you say, but also from how you live your life.
Speak to your kids in a respectful manner. Respect doesn’t mean equality; it shows your kids they are valuable beings.
Make sure your actions match your words. If you say something, but behave in a different way, behavior will win out every time.
Show your kids you love them…through your words, actions and examples.
Hi, Everyone: Check out my new parenting series, Kids are from Krypton; Parents are from Pluto™ heard weekly on Heartbeat Radio for Women WRHB 1410 am with Mary McBryde, Thursdays from 1:30-2:00 pm EST. You are welcome to tune in via our live stream at heartbeatradiousa.com. First four weeks will be looking at various challenges of talking with (yes, with…not at) your kids. Here’s the line-up:
Feb. 18 Kids are from Krypton; Parents are from Pluto™: The words you say are not always what kids hear. In this segment we will discuss the various ways we communicate, and why behavior really does speak louder than words. The answers may shock you!
Feb. 25 WAIT! Why am I talking?: Second segment will focus on the fact that while we want our kids to talk with us, many of us seem to do anything in our power to ‘put a sock in it’ when the kids try to talk. Emphasis will be on the importance of responding, rather than reacting to our kids’ attempts to communicate…and listen!
Mar 4 Getting to Really Know Your Kids…one conversation at a time: Third segment highlights ways to keep a conversation going so you REALLY get to find out, ‘How was school?…’How was the party?’…’How was practice?’…
Mar 11 What Kids Would Tell You…If Only You’d Ask: Last segment will identify all the conversations you DON’T have to have with your kids, where to have them, and the importance of including the whole family in sharing the answers.
Tune in and then let me know what you think!
Enjoy your kids…even when Kids are from Krypton ; Parents are from Pluto™/strong>
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Internationally recognized as a passionate and dedicated parent/child specialist, child psychologist "Dr. Vicki” Panaccione has spent the last 25 years helping thousands of families strengthen what she calls the "CaringConnection", the emotional bond between parents and children.
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Kids are From Krypton; Parents are from Pluto Radio series update Sept. 2, 2010: Homework is an important part of your kids’ learning. It fortifies the lesson, and offers the opportunity to help them when they make mistakes. And in order to help your kids become successful, here are some suggestions for homework time:
