What do you think of when you hear the word discipline?  If you are like most parents, the word conjures up ideas of correction and punishment.

However, that is only one part of the equation!

Actually, the purpose of discipline is to teach.  And the lessons taught vary with the ages of your children.  With young children, discipline focuses on protecting them against external dangers and their own impulses.  As they get older, discipline serves more and more to promote development as an individual and as a social being.

Top 10 Tips for Effective Discipline

1. Set realistic expectations. Setting realistic expectations is a crucial part of discipline.    In order to assure that expectations can reasonably be met, many factors need to be considered, such as: age, personality, temperament, strengths and weaknesses. When children meet expectations set out for them, it helps develop self-confidence and positive self-esteem.
2. Clearly define limits. Children need structure and boundaries.  That provides security and trust.  On the other hand, they will still push the limits to see how far they can push, and to make sure they won’t be able to get out of control.  Limits need to be clearly identified, and adhered to.  And as your children get older, the limits will need to be re-evaluated.
3. Set a good example. Your children learn by example.  The way they learn to conduct themselves, is the way they see you conducting yourself.
4. Hold your children accountable. When your children misbehave, they need to face the consequences of their actions.  They need to clearly understand what they did wrong, and why the behavior is unacceptable.
5. Use reasonable consequences. When establishing consequences, just like expectations, it is important to take into account the offense and age of your child.  Consequences are most effective if given as close to the misbehavior as possible (particularly for younger children.)  And, like the saying goes, “Make sure the punishment fits the crime.”
6. Follow through. Basically, don’t say it if you aren’t going to actually do it.  Threats, ‘giving in’ and failure to implement a stated consequence undermine your authority. Lack of follow through teaches children that you don’t mean what you say, and they don’t have to take you seriously.
7. Be consistent. There is comfort in knowing what to expect.  Inconsistency regarding behavioral requirements, and subsequent responses, confuse children, and leaving them feeling unsettled. Consistently having rules in place and consistently addressing misbehavior will provide your children with a crucial sense of security and predictability.
8. Reward desirable behaviors. Praise and recognition can go a long way in helping develop self-control, because it reinforces the desirable behaviors.  If you don’t acknowledge the good as well as the bad, then your parenting style is lop-sided and your children are taught self-control through punishment only.  However, if you intervene when needed, and praise when you aren’t, then you are helping your children develop from a balanced approach.
9. Use humor, flexibility and creativity. If you find you are ‘banging your head against the wall,’ it means that whatever you are doing isn’t working. It means it’s time to try something new.  Being flexible and creative in parenting your children is extremely important.  The lessons taught are the same, only the techniques may need to change.
10. Pick and choose your battles. Children are far from perfect.  And if you wanted to, you could probably find yourself disciplining all day long.  It is necessary to address the behaviors of major importance, but try to ignore some of the little things.  Remember that the corollary to, “Don’t sweat the small stuff,” is that, “Most things in life are small stuff!”
11. OOPS! One more—which goes along with any parenting tip:
12. Love unconditionally. Your children need to know you love them…no matter what! Particularly in times of discipline and expressions of disapproval.

BONUS: TOP 10 THINGS TO SAY TO YOUR CHILD

• • • 1. I LOVE YOU.
      2. I LOVE YOU EVEN WHEN YOU MESS UP.
      3. I LOVE YOU EVEN WHEN I GET ANGRY.
      4. I LOVE YOU EVEN WHEN I GET SAD.
      5. I LOVE YOU EVEN WHEN I AM DISAPPOINTED.
      6. I LOVE YOU EVEN WHEN YOU GET A BAD GRADE.
      7. I LOVE YOU EVEN WHEN YOU MISBEHAVE.
         
      8. I LOVE YOU EVEN WHEN YOU DON’T LISTEN.
      9. I LOVE YOU EVEN WHEN YOU WORRY ME TO DEATH.
      10. I LOVE YOU FOREVER —NO MATTER WHAT!

Tags: accountable, consequences, consistent, Discipline, effective, expectations, good example, love unconditionally, predictability, punishment, security, self-confidence, self-esteem

This entry was posted on Friday, March 27th, 2009 at 9:37 pm and is filed under Discipline. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.