Styles of Parenting: Life&Style: Very Proper

February 9, 2011 by  
Filed under Communication, Discipline, Family, Parenting

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Styles of ParentingThis week on newsstands everywhere, Life&Style Weekly enlisted Dr. Vicki as their parenting expert to comment on the styles of parenting of several celeb parents.

Styles of Parenting:  Which one do they choose? Victoria and David BeckhamStyles of Parenting 5a

Life&Style synopsis:

“I’ve never had to punish them physically,” Victoria Beckham says of sons Brooklyn 11, Cruz 6 and Romeo 8.  “Besides, they have very good manners.”

Parenting Style: Very proper.  [Child psychologist Vicki] Panaccione praises Posh and hubby David Beckham for teaching politeness.  “Many children are being brought up without manners, she says.

Dr. Vicki’s complete responses:

Scenario I:  “We watch movies together as a family and invite guests too. We are also very strict about the children doing their homework and going to bed on time. Cruz goes to bed at 7pm, Romeo goes at 7.30pm, and Brooklyn at 9.30pm. I firmly believe that children need a basic routine.”

I love the styles of parenting that build family time into their hectic lives. This is such a wonderful experience for the kids, providing a sense of security and togetherness. Huddling together as a family has a very stabilizing effect and lets kids learn the importance of being together as a family unit. The choice of movies may soon begin to be a bit more of a challenge as Brooklyn becomes older and less interested in watching what his younger siblings may enjoy.

Kids really do need basic routines; bed time being one of the most important. I like that the kids are all put to bed at different times, taking into consideration their ages and individual needs. It’s also a great way to spend some one-on-one time as each child is tucked into bed at a separate time.

Styles of Parenting 5bScenario II:  “We have got a punishment chair – when you’ve done something naughty you are supposed to sit down on it and think over your behaviour,” she said. “[But] I have never had to punish them physically. I think they are all very clever boys and besides they’ve got very good manners.”

In all the more punitive styles of parenting, there tends to be punishment instead of consequences.  I find the word ‘punishment’ quite harsh. Punishment is defined as the authoritative imposition of something negative or unpleasant on a person in response to behavior deemed wrong by another person and generally leads to feelings of resentment or fear. I much prefer the word ‘consequence’ which is the result of something the child has done or a choice he has made. Consequences are a way for parents to set limits and give choices. In the case of what I would call the “time-out” chair, the choice would be: either you do____ or you will need to go to the time-out chair. Rules of the time-out chair: no more than one minute per year of age…this means no more than 2 minutes of sitting for a 2 year old; 5 minutes for a 5 year old, etc. And, I strongly advise that the child has to be calm before allowed up, and can tell the parent why he was in the time-out chair, and what he can do to make a better choice next time.

Physical punishment is not something I ever suggest no matter that various styles of parenting support it. I am so glad to hear that these parents have not used this form of discipline. However, I would like to know that they will not resort to physical punishment, even if the boys weren’t very clever and didn’t have very good manners.”

Here’s another reason for me to give out some kudos: They are mindful of manners! SO many children today are being brought up without manners and I find that shameful. So, if David and Victoria have 3 boys with good manners, then they are really doing something right!

What do you think of this parenting style?

Please feel free to leave a comment about styles of parenting in the box below.

Comments

2 Responses to “Styles of Parenting: Life&Style: Very Proper”
  1. Angela says:

    I do ‘positive parenting’ with my 5 year old miss and she has come so far with her understanding of what kind of behaviour is ok since I have been careful with my choice of words, like saying consequence instead of punishment or time out chair. Choice of words is really important in my opinion, as I have seen that choosing the right word can really make a difference to how my daughter approaches a situation we have. By using positive words and more open words like consequence, ‘what do you think could change’ etc leaves it open to be a learning experience, not a punishment session filled with anger and frustration from both parties.

  2. Dr. Vicki Panaccione says:

    I totally agree. Words matter. Thank you for commenting. Enjoy your kids! Dr. Vicki

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