| |
Posts Tagged ‘anger’
Monday, May 3rd, 2010
Kids are from Krypton; Parents are from Pluto Radio series update April 29: Did you know that kids who  are spanked on a regular basis are more likely to have low self-esteem, depression, lower grades and consequently lower paying jobs? Spanked kids are more aggressive when younger, tend to grow up to spank their kids, learn not only that it’s OK to hit when angry, but it’s also permissible to use objects as weapons (belts, wooden spoons, etc.) And, more disturbing to me is the fact that kids learn to fear rather than respect their parents, and come to rely less on them for their own security and safety.
The next few weeks will be focusing on alternatives to spanking.
Top 5 Tips of the Week:
- Remember the object of discipline is to teach.
- Before raising your hand, ask one question: Do I love him?
- Foster respect, not fear.
- Recognize that just because your parents spanked, doesn’t mean you have to.
- Show your kids you love them…through your words and your actions.
Enjoy your kids!
Tags: anger, angry, Discipline, http://www.heartbeatradiousa.com, kids, kids aggressive, Kids are from Krypton Parents are from Pluto, parents, spanking
Posted in Discipline, Parenting | 4 Comments »
Saturday, April 24th, 2010
 Radio series update April 22: Last week we discussed the importance of getting in touch with your own anger, and ways strategies for dealing with it. This week was all about your kids…why they get angry, how they deal with it and what to do about it. Because kids basically get in trouble for ‘being angry,’ most think that anger is not OK. In other words, it’s bad to be angry.
Your job is to teach your kids that anger is a human emotion like any other and it’s OK to feel any way they feel. The way they express that anger, through their words and actions, is what may need to be contained and managed in appropriate ways. Setting a good example is key, along with allowing the feeling and providing acceptable outlets for expression of their anger. And perhaps most importantly…please don’t expect your kids to handle their anger better than the grown-ups!
Top 5 Tips for the Week:
- Separate your child’s feeling from the behavior
- Validate the feeling even before dealing with the behavior
- Provide acceptable outlets for expression of anger
- Model self-control and anger management skills
- Show your kids you love them…through your words and your actions
Enjoy your kids!
Tags: anger, http://www.heartbeatradiousa.com, kids
Posted in Parenting | Add a Comment »
Friday, April 16th, 2010
Radio Series Update April 15: What’s so wrong with being angry? A look at anger from the parents’ perspective. The last couple of weeks, we have been discussing how parents sabotage their own authority, by allowing themselves to be doormats, being inconsistent and not following through with what they say. We also noted that while the topic of this segment series is discipline, we haven’t even begun to scratch the surface about specific techniques. That’s because knowing what to do is not the same as effectively doing it. AND, the most effective and successful way to discipline your kids is by learning how to handle yourself—with respect, trust-worthiness, objectivity and calmness. That means not allowing yourselves to be doormats, keeping your word, turning your buttons to snaps and managing your own anger and Little Voice conditioning. It’s becoming aware of the ways you undermine yourself and lose your ground is totally necessary before you can parent and discipline as a teacher, not a preacher—as a trainer, not a complainer.
Anger is a nature human emotion, along with happiness, pride, sadness, frustration, joy, etc. etc. That being said, we tend to have a lot of difficulty handling our own anger, and even more difficulty dealing with our kids’ anger. Why is that? Because while expressing and managing anger is a learned skill, most of us are not actively taught what to do when angry. You learned by how your parents expressed their anger; you are most likely responding to your kids in much the same way. How did you feel when your parents expressed anger toward you? How do you think your kids feel when you do the same thing to them? Angry parents tend to raise angry kids. Managing your own anger will help your kids manage theirs.
Top 5 Tips for the Week:
- Take time for yourself to refuel.
- Be aware that no one can ‘make’ you mad.
- Find outlets that work for you to channel your own frustrations and anger.
- Don’t be a martyr—it only creates anger and resentment.
- Show your kids you love them…through your words and your actions.
Enjoy your kids!
Next week on my radio series: It’s OK to be angry…or is it? Most kids will tell you NO!
Tags: anger, authority, http://heartbeatradiousa.com, kids, little voice, mom, parent, Radio Series, sabotage
Posted in Discipline, Parenting | Add a Comment »
Thursday, April 2nd, 2009
Dear Dr. Vicki,
I have an 11 year old daughter and am trying to help her with “anger management”. So far we have been doing better with talking about it, and (she’s) counting to 10, taking deep breathes, walking away. . . .and I have tried to be calm in responding and then I “ignore” any junk behavior. Then I go on to a “normal” question and she seems to fall back into “normal” getting along. She does not want to be at odds with me. Thanks for any input.
Dr. Vicki’s Response:
It sounds as though you are doing a lot of great interventions to help your daughter get control of her anger. Anger is a tough feeling to express for kids, primarily because they seem to get in trouble a lot for how they express those feelings.
It is wonderful that she does not want to be at odds with you. That’s a great place to start from.
Responding calmly is key. If you become angry and respond in kind, the situation will tend to flare up even more. Encouraging her to come back and talk to you when she calms down is a great strategy. When she does, I suggest that you praise her for using whatever technique she used to calm herself, and let her know that you are more than happy to talk to her now that she is calm.
The strategies you suggested to her are good ones. It is very important that while parents are telling children what they can’t do, they need to help them replace those behaviors with acceptable ones. You might try practicing some of the techniques with her when she is not angry, so they will be better developed for when she needs them.
I also encourage children to come up with their own ways of expressing their anger. At this age, some like to journal or draw (remember it can be angry words and angry pictures), write a letter or e-mail to express themselves (although direct communication is ultimately best), listening to music, cool off in the shower, take a walk, etc. I also like to teach them progressive relaxation, where they learn to tense and relax their bodies and also visual imaging, where a very calming or happy image is conjured up in their mind, allowing that feeling to spread over them.
This would be a technique that you and your daughter could learn to do fairly easily, with some individualized instruction.
Another nice technique is to allow her to walk away to take time to calm herself down. I don’t mean in defiance; I mean with an agreement that she is allowed to do so. I like a signal that either of you can give the other that would indicated ‘time out’–let’s take a break, calm down, and get back together again and talk.
© MMVI Vicki Panaccione, Ph.D.
Tags: "time-out", anger, anger issues, anger management, at odds, calm, child, Communication, control, interventions, letter, praise, techniques
Posted in Ask Dr. Vicki, Discipline | 3 Comments »
Thursday, November 4th, 2004
Is it safe? Can we come out and play now? Are the grownups still mad at each other?
Dr. Vicki Panaccione says the immediate aftermath of an election as polarizing as this one, with the nation at war, can be a fearful moment for the losers.
“People have been more passionate about this election than any I’ve seen, and no matter which side you’re on, I think that anger can turn to fear,” says the Melbourne psychologist. “If Bush wins, (the fear may be) because you know what he’s going to do; if Kerry wins, it’s the fear of the unknown.”
“After 911, we all stood together. Now, after this election, half of us will be scared, and the other half won’t be. For those who lose, the feeling of powerlessness will probably create even more fear.”
Panaccione’s suggestions for the losers: Regain that sense of empowerment by staying involved with the political process. Stay in touch with your elected officials, and don’t drop out of the system.
“I always (like to) tell the story about the election a few years ago that involved putting a ball field in Indian Harbour Beach. It was a battle between the (families) with young children and retirees. It passed by one vote. It was a great opportunity to talk about how every vote counts, and that you should always stay involved.”
As published in Florida Today, Nov. 2, 2004.
© MMVI Vicki Panaccione, Ph.D.
Tags: anger, elected officials, election, empowerment, every vote counts, fear
Posted in Puberty / Adolescence | Add a Comment »
|
|
 |
|
 |
Internationally recognized as a passionate and dedicated parent/child specialist, child psychologist "Dr. Vicki” Panaccione has spent the last 25 years helping thousands of families strengthen what she calls the "CaringConnection", the emotional bond between parents and children.
“Dr. Vicki is the author of Discovering Your Child: Parent Guide, and CaringConnections, her weekly online newsletter, helping parents find joy and fulfillment in their relationships
with their children. Read more... |
|
|
|
