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Posts Tagged ‘Discipline’
Friday, May 14th, 2010
Kids are from Krypton Parents are from Pluto Radio series update May 13: Today’s show focusing on the do’s and don’ts of discipline actually had only one ‘don’t.’ That being: Don’t use don’t! What? We are so conditioned to tell kids what not to do, that we very rarely tell them what they should do.
For instance, “Don’t Hit,” can be taught the same way by saying, “Keep your hands to yourself.” Another example might be: “Don’t be rude;” in the positive approach you might say: “Please say that with nicer words.” Same lesson, different tone. One tells kids what to move away from, and the other focuses on what to do, which leads them in a positive direction. This way, you tell them what action to take, rather than which path not to take. And, it also teaches kids to focus on their own positives. For instance, they can get 2 wrong on a math test or 8 right. Which do you think builds them up? How you phrase things can build kids up or knock them down.
Top 5 Tips of the Week
- Set positive expectations
- Focus on what your kids are doing right
- Give positive feedback
- Reward the desired behavior
- Show your kids you love them…through your words and your actions
Enjoy your kids!

Tags: behavior, children, Discipline, http://www.heartbeatradiousa.com, kids, Kids are from Krypton Parents are from Pluto, reward Posted in Discipline, Parenting | Add a Comment »
Thursday, May 6th, 2010
Kids are from Krypton, Parents are from Pluto: Radio series update May 6: When’s the last time someone told you that you were doing a great job? How about that you are doing a great job being a parent? We all need to feel good about ourselves, and about what we are doing.
In the midst of trying to raise kids, you might find yourself just focusing on what you have to do, what you didn’t do, what you didn’t do right—and never take time to pat yourself on the back. Well, today’s show did just that: Looked at what you are doing right. And before you start yes-butting, just know that while there’s always more you can do, celebrate the things you are already doing. For instance, think about how much you do to teach moral and values; spend time together; set a good example; show them how proud you are; value their education; and most importantly, love them unconditionally. Please feel free to add more ‘rights’ of your own. And at the end of each day, I encourage you to stop and think about not went wrong or what you didn’t get done. Instead, think about what you did right—and give yourself a pat on the back!
Top 5 Tips of the Week:
- Pat yourself on the back for something each day.
- Focus on what you enjoyed about your kids each day.
- Find 10 things each day to be grateful about.
- Celebrate all wins!
- Show your kids you love them…through your words and your actions.
Coming up next week: the do’s and don’ts of discipline.
Enjoy your kids!

Tags: celebrate. http://www.heartbeatradiousa.com, Discipline, Education, kids, Kids Are From Kyrpton Parents are from Pluto, Parenting, parents, Radio Series Posted in Discipline, Parenting | Add a Comment »
Monday, May 3rd, 2010
Kids are from Krypton; Parents are from Pluto Radio series update April 29: Did you know that kids who are spanked on a regular basis are more likely to have low self-esteem, depression, lower grades and consequently lower paying jobs? Spanked kids are more aggressive when younger, tend to grow up to spank their kids, learn not only that it’s OK to hit when angry, but it’s also permissible to use objects as weapons (belts, wooden spoons, etc.) And, more disturbing to me is the fact that kids learn to fear rather than respect their parents, and come to rely less on them for their own security and safety.
The next few weeks will be focusing on alternatives to spanking.
Top 5 Tips of the Week:
- Remember the object of discipline is to teach.
- Before raising your hand, ask one question: Do I love him?
- Foster respect, not fear.
- Recognize that just because your parents spanked, doesn’t mean you have to.
- Show your kids you love them…through your words and your actions.
Enjoy your kids!

Tags: anger, angry, Discipline, http://www.heartbeatradiousa.com, kids, kids aggressive, Kids are from Krypton Parents are from Pluto, parents, spanking Posted in Discipline, Parenting | 4 Comments »
Sunday, April 11th, 2010
Radio Series Update April 8: “My kids really know how to push my buttons!” As the title suggests, this week we recognized that your ‘buttons’ are your particular emotional hot spots. If you think back, some of your ‘buttons’ may very well be the same parental buttons you pushed when you were a kid. How your parents responded to certain behaviors of yours, is how you learned to respond to the same behaviors of your kids. It’s so conditioned, you may not even realize you are continuing a conditioned pattern. For instance, if when you whined, your mother or father went absolutely ballistic, you learned that parents have an aversion to whining. You then carried that learning into adulthood and now automatically respond to your kids’ whining the same way your parents responded to your whining…you go ballistic! You are then passing this response on to your kids UNLESS you take yourself off auto-pilot and learn to deal with the behavior without an emotional upheaval.
So, get this: You don’t have to accept an invitation to a fight. Remember: if your kid’s behavior starts to evoke your emotional response to fight…you don’t have to take the challenge. If your kid throws out a rope, and expects you to begin a tug-of-war…there can’t be a fight or a tug if you don’t pick up the rope! It takes 2 to fight; it takes 2 to have a tug of war. Your kids can only ‘push your buttons’ if you let them. Becoming aware of what sets you off, gives you the power to change those buttons to snaps…then there is nothing left to push! Subsequently, when faced with the same behavior, your response will be very different. You can leave the rope on the ground and discipline from a place of teaching, rather than screeching!
Top 5 Tips of the Week :
- Learn to spot your emotional ‘hot’ buttons—your kids sure do!
- Change your ‘buttons’ to snaps…so there’s nothing left to ‘push.’
- Discipline only when you are calm and rational.
- There can only be a ‘tug of war’ if you pick up the rope!
- Show your kids you love them—through your words and your actions.
Next week: Anger doesn’t cause problems…it’s the behavior that’s at fault!
Join us on www.heartbeatradiousa.com every Thursday at 1:30 eastern.
Enjoy your kids!

Tags: behavior, Discipline, http://www.heartbeatradiousa.com, kids, parents Posted in Discipline, Parenting | Add a Comment »
Monday, April 5th, 2010
You have probably heard this old Mother Goose rhyme:
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
She had so many children she didn’t know what to do.
She gave them some broth without any bread,
Then whipped them all soundly
And put them to bed.
Here’s a kinder, gentler alternative of “Old Woman In A Shoe” from Jordan Riak:
There was an old woman
Who lived in a shoe.
She was a kindhearted mom
Who knew exactly what to do.
She raised all her children
With patience and love.
Never once did she give them
A spank, shake or shove.
Her children all learned
To be gentle toward others,
And good parents too
When they became fathers and mothers.
From their days in the shoe
They learned this about living:
Kindness, not force,
Is the gift that keeps giving.
To spank or not to spank is an age-old debate. As a child psychologist, I am not an advocate of spanking. I think there are far more effective ways for parents to discipline, set a good example and maintain a greater bond with their children. And, the ultimate effects of spanking can be dangerous to your kids’ health, wealth, IQ, relationships and most importantly, your relationship with them. Here’s the goal: Show your kids you love them…through your words and your actions.
You can also check out Project NoSpank for more information and discussions.
More on my next blog and on heartbeatradiousa.com Thursday at 1:30 EDT. Feel free to send any questions or comments you have to: michelle@heartbeatradiousa.com Hope to ‘see’ you on the call.

Tags: children, Discipline, health, kids, Parenting, relationships, spanking Posted in Child Development, Discipline, Family, Parenting | Add a Comment »
Thursday, March 25th, 2010
Radio Series Update: Is Discipline the same as spanking? Another great show, thanks to my wonderful host, Michelle Wargo on www.heartbeatradiousa.com. What do you think of when you hear the word ‘discipline’? If you are like most parents, the word conjures up ideas of correction and punishment. However, that is only one part of the equation! Actually, the purpose of discipline is to teach. What are you teaching? All the character traits that you want your kids to develop in order to become happy, successful adults.
Top 5 tips of the week:
- Be a teacher, not a preacher.
- Keep in mind that your ultimate goal of discipline is to develop character.
- Set realistic expectations for each of your kids.
- Be the example. Walk the walk; don’t just talk the talk.
- Show your kids you love them—through your words and your actions.
Next week: Stop shooting yourself in the foot: What parents are doing to undermine their own authority!

Tags: Discipline, kids, Michelle Wargo, punishment, Radio Series, spanking, teach Posted in Discipline | Add a Comment »
Monday, August 17th, 2009
 My awesome son
Today is my son’s birthday. At 4:05 a.m., Alex turned 23. Wow! How did that happen??? Surely I haven’t aged that much!
It seems like only yesterday that he was a baby! Then, before I knew it he was going off to kindergarten. And, I cried. “Tomorrow he’ll be going to high school,” I lamented. His dad laughed at me.
Then, sure enough… the next day he did, in fact, go off to high school. Again, I cried. “Tomorrow he’ll be going to college,” I sobbed. Now, his dad wasn’t laughing. And, then, sure enough…off he went. And now he’s in grad school!
It was amazing how different everything was without him. No more running to soccer games and band concerts; no more bake sales and book fairs; no more science fair projects and poster contests. The house was quiet, clothes and towels weren’t strewn around the bathroom, I could see his bedroom floor and there was no need to nag about taking out the garbage or emptying the dishwasher.
Sounds like every mother’s dream? Be careful what you wish for! I was miserable.
As a child psychologist, I work with parents who tend to fall into one of three categories: the ones who can’t wait for the kids to leave home, the ones who never want their kids to leave and the ones who straddle the fence.
Time flies when you’re raising kids. Sure, there are days that you feel like pulling your hair out…and your kid offering to do it for you! And, then there are the times when your heart just bursts with love.
But, we can get too caught up in the daily drudge of homework, baths and discipline. It’s easy to lose the joy of being a parent, spending time with the kids and watching them grow. So…
Yes, you can yell at your daughter for spilling her milk.
You can tell your kids to “shut up” because they get too noisy.
You can resent all the dirty clothes piled on the floor.
You can spend the day giving your son the silent treatment.
Or not!
Bottom line? It all goes away far too soon. So, here’s my advice:
- Cherish the little things
- Don’t sweat the small stuff
- Stop taking yourself so seriously
- Laugh with your kids everyday
- Pick your ‘no’s”
- Have family time on a regular basis
- Find ways to enjoy being a parent
So—how about it? Do you pick and choose your battles? Is seeing your little girl with your lipstick all over her face, or your son with his new shoes covered in mud really times to yell and blow your stack? Or are they times to clean up, reprimand and secretly smile to yourself, filing the moment in your memory bank for heart-warming reflection at a later date?
Take it from someone who knows only too well…
It’s the little things that fill your home with the sweet presence of children. And these moments will be gone before you know it. When you won’t have to deal with muddy shoes, ‘borrowed’ lipstick and dirty laundry anymore… will that be a good thing?
So, enjoy your children— they grow up way too soon!
Tags: affection, birthday, child, Child Development, children, college, Discipline, Family, high school, homework, kids, parent, Parenting, parents, praise, self-esteem, unconditional love Posted in Family | 2 Comments »
Friday, March 27th, 2009
What do you think of when you hear the word discipline? If you are like most parents, the word conjures up ideas of correction and punishment.
However, that is only one part of the equation!
Actually, the purpose of discipline is to teach. And the lessons taught vary with the ages of your children. With young children, discipline focuses on protecting them against external dangers and their own impulses. As they get older, discipline serves more and more to promote development as an individual and as a social being.
Top 10 Tips for Effective Discipline
- Set realistic expectations. Setting realistic expectations is a crucial part of discipline. In order to assure that expectations can reasonably be met, many factors need to be considered, such as: age, personality, temperament, strengths and weaknesses. When children meet expectations set out for them, it helps develop self-confidence and positive self-esteem.
- Clearly define limits. Children need structure and boundaries. That provides security and trust. On the other hand, they will still push the limits to see how far they can push, and to make sure they won’t be able to get out of control. Limits need to be clearly identified, and adhered to. And as your children get older, the limits will need to be re-evaluated.
- Set a good example. Your children learn by example. The way they learn to conduct themselves, is the way they see you conducting yourself.
- Hold your children accountable. When your children misbehave, they need to face the consequences of their actions. They need to clearly understand what they did wrong, and why the behavior is unacceptable.
- Use reasonable consequences. When establishing consequences, just like expectations, it is important to take into account the offense and age of your child. Consequences are most effective if given as close to the misbehavior as possible (particularly for younger children.) And, like the saying goes, “Make sure the punishment fits the crime.”
- Follow through. Basically, don’t say it if you aren’t going to actually do it. Threats, ‘giving in’ and failure to implement a stated consequence undermine your authority. Lack of follow through teaches children that you don’t mean what you say, and they don’t have to take you seriously.
- Be consistent. There is comfort in knowing what to expect. Inconsistency regarding behavioral requirements, and subsequent responses, confuse children, and leaving them feeling unsettled. Consistently having rules in place and consistently addressing misbehavior will provide your children with a crucial sense of security and predictability.
- Reward desirable behaviors. Praise and recognition can go a long way in helping develop self-control, because it reinforces the desirable behaviors. If you don’t acknowledge the good as well as the bad, then your parenting style is lop-sided and your children are taught self-control through punishment only. However, if you intervene when needed, and praise when you aren’t, then you are helping your children develop from a balanced approach.
- Use humor, flexibility and creativity. If you find you are ‘banging your head against the wall,’ it means that whatever you are doing isn’t working. It means it’s time to try something new. Being flexible and creative in parenting your children is extremely important. The lessons taught are the same, only the techniques may need to change.
- Pick and choose your battles. Children are far from perfect. And if you wanted to, you could probably find yourself disciplining all day long. It is necessary to address the behaviors of major importance, but try to ignore some of the little things. Remember that the corollary to, “Don’t sweat the small stuff,” is that, “Most things in life are small stuff!”
- OOPS! One more—which goes along with any parenting tip:
- Love unconditionally. Your children need to know you love them…no matter what! Particularly in times of discipline and expressions of disapproval.
BONUS: TOP 10 THINGS TO SAY TO YOUR CHILD
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- I LOVE YOU.
- I LOVE YOU EVEN WHEN YOU MESS UP.
- I LOVE YOU EVEN WHEN I GET ANGRY.
- I LOVE YOU EVEN WHEN I GET SAD.
- I LOVE YOU EVEN WHEN I AM DISAPPOINTED.
- I LOVE YOU EVEN WHEN YOU GET A BAD GRADE.
- I LOVE YOU EVEN WHEN YOU MISBEHAVE.
- I LOVE YOU EVEN WHEN YOU DON’T LISTEN.
- I LOVE YOU EVEN WHEN YOU WORRY ME TO DEATH.
- I LOVE YOU FOREVER —NO MATTER WHAT!
Tags: accountable, consequences, consistent, Discipline, effective, expectations, good example, love unconditionally, predictability, punishment, security, self-confidence, self-esteem Posted in Discipline | Add a Comment »
Friday, March 27th, 2009
Particularly your children.
However, you are probably the last to know! When’s the last time you patted yourself on the back? How often do you feel good about what you do? At the end of the day, are you glad to be a parent?
Top Ten Things You Are Doing Right
- You try to set a good example for your children. Children learn by example. So, how you live your life, is the way they will learn to live theirs. When you take care of yourself, act responsibly, follow the rules, show affection, and be honest and trustworthy (and a million other things you do each day), your children are learning how to conduct themselves.
- You teach morals and values. In your desire for your children to grow up to be responsible, caring, loving, trustworthy, moral adults, you teach them right from wrong, and hold them accountable for their own actions.
- You foster independence. Children need to gradually take over more and more responsibility for themselves; and you, in turn, are gradually backing away more and more. If you do your job well, you will actually work your way out of a job! That would mean you have raised your children to be independent adults. Then you will have been truly successful.
- You discipline constructively. Discipline is actually defined as, “training that develops self-control.” So, you hold your children accountable for their actions, teaching standards of behavior. When difficulty with self-control arises, you step in and provide appropriate consequences for the infractions.
- You set realistic expectations. It’s a balancing act when encouraging them to do their best, while being sensitive to their limitations. You reevaluate your expectations as they mature and develop greater abilities.
- You value education. Showing an interest in what your children are learning, and how well they are doing, conveys a sense of importance about learning. Maintaining contact with the school also shows interest and active involvement in the goings-on of your children’s academic lives.
- You spend time together. Whether it’s eating dinner, reading a bedtime story, watching a movie, playing a game, cooking, folding laundry, shopping or going on an outing, working and playing together builds a sense of belonging, community and connectedness. Being there for your children provides security and trust.
- You express support. Your children need to know that you are proud of them. You praise their efforts and applaud their accomplishments. You beam with pride at their school plays, concerts, ball games and spelling bees. You show your children your support by being their biggest fan, and all-time cheerleader.
- You show affection. Hug, kiss and cuddle your children for as long as they will allow. And when they get too old for ‘mushy’ stuff, you look for other ways to stay connected, such as a gentle touch, a squeeze of the hand, an arm around the shoulder, etc.
- And most importantly, you love your children unconditionally. This affirms your children and shows them they are valued and will always be loved. no matter what! Loving gives them a sense of security and a strong foundation that they can depend upon as they venture out into the world.
- And at the end of each day, I encourage you to stop and think about not went wrong or what you didn’t get done. Instead, think about what you did right—and pat yourself on the back!
Tags: affection, connectedness, Discipline, expectations, independence, morals, praise, responsibility, set example, support, values Posted in Family, Parenting | Add a Comment »
Tuesday, March 17th, 2009
“Want harmony at home? Then focus on good behavior rather than the bad.
Another important factor to successful discipline is understanding your child”, said Vicki Panaccione, a Melbourne psychologist and parent coach who writes child development articles focusing on elementary and middle school children.
“You need to know your child in order to know how to intervene in their behavior,” said Panaccione, author of Discovering Your Child: A Parent Guide for Children Ages 7-12.
“We talk about unconditional love, but we must also address unconditional acceptance of who this child is. Every child has distinct characteristics. So, if a child is not a morning person, don’t give him or her a lot to do in the morning.”
Panaccione also suggests redirection of negative behavior. If siblings fight, try to redirect that energy toward physical activities both children can participate in.
And of course, acting out can be a disguise for deeper problems.
“Many times, we’re correcting the behavior, but not necessarily looking beneath the surface to find out what’s going on with the child. It could be that something’s going on at school, or a lack of sleep, for example.”
As published in Florida Today.

© MMVI Vicki Panaccione, Ph.D.
Tags: Discipline, Parenting, problems, unconditional acceptance, unconditional love Posted in Discipline | Add a Comment »
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Internationally recognized as a passionate and dedicated parent/child specialist, child psychologist "Dr. Vicki” Panaccione has spent the last 25 years helping thousands of families strengthen what she calls the "CaringConnection", the emotional bond between parents and children.
“Dr. Vicki is the author of Discovering Your Child: Parent Guide, and CaringConnections, her weekly online newsletter, helping parents find joy and fulfillment in their relationships
with their children. Read more... |
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