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Posts Tagged ‘emotional’
Saturday, August 15th, 2009
 The Gosselin family
Over the past few weeks, I have received a number of calls from Life & Style, Star and People magazines all wanting expert advice, mostly about Jon & Kate Gosselin (the famous parents of 8-year-old-twins and 5-year-old sextuplets,) their very public divorce, and how it affects the kids.
Though more public than most, their divorce brings up basic issues not only applying to their kids, but for all kids dealing with their parents’ divorce.
This week, Life & Style called after Kate was interviewed on Today. Her #1 concern…
“The kids think we’re getting back together.” “We’ve had to go over it a few times,” she commented.
Not surprisingly, it will probably take many more repetitions for the kids to understand that their parents are no longer married, and even more time to accept it…especially when they are receiving very confusing messages.
My comments to Life & Style regarding Jon & Kate are no different than the recommendations I would give to any divorcing parent. Here are some issues and my advice:
- Jon & Kate told the kids they had split, but Jon pops in and out on a regular basis and still films the show (which still has the same family title.) Kate, however, leaves when he comes; but the kids don’t get it. So have things changed or not?
- Advice: Don’t just talk the talk. If, in fact, parents are no longer together, their behavior needs to reflect that…particularly when the kids are young, and while they are still trying to wrap their minds around it.
- Kate still wears her wedding band to ‘avoid upsetting the kids.’ “They know it’s a Mommy’s-married-to-Daddy ring,” she said. How confusing is that?
- Advice: Young kids have difficulty understanding abstract concepts, like divorce. They do much better with concrete, visual examples of the split. If Mommy and Daddy aren’t married anymore, then take off the ring that symbolizes that!
- Implied in the article, but not fully addressed: “Jon’s brazen flaunting of (his) 22-year-old girlfriend.” How are the kids supposed to understand that?!
- Advice: TMI!! This new relationship should not have been made public for the kids to have to deal with while they are still reeling and trying to understand what’s happened to Mommy and Daddy!
Celebs or not, parents are parents and kids are kids…the issues and needs are the same. My advice: Make decisions and act with the kids’ best interest in mind!!
For full article: Life & Style , Aug. 24, 2009
Tags: behavior, child, children, Communication, divorce, emotional, Family, Gosellin, Jon & Kate, Jon & Kate Plus 8, Jon Gosellin, Kate Gosellin, parent, Parenting, parents, secure, security, unconditional love
Posted in Family | Add a Comment »
Friday, April 10th, 2009
Dear Dr. Vicki,
I have to ask my child 3 or 4 times to do something, at which point, I am angry. For example, my son was playing with his friend’s cell phone in the back of our car. I asked him 3 times to give it back to his friend (knowing the battery was low). By the time he gave it back, the phone was no longer usable as a phone. This is just one example. I feel like a broken record.
Dr. Vicki’s advice:
My advice is to not sound like a broken record and take action before the third or fourth time. The more warnings or requests you make, the angrier you are going to become. Take action sooner in a calm fashion, and your children will take you seriously sooner without your having to yell.
In this instance, I would recommend that after the first request without compliance, that you give him a choice. Either give the phone back, or ____ will be your consequence. If he still doesn’t comply, I would suggest that you stop the car, if need be, and take the phone away.
Then be sure to follow through with whatever consequence you had presented. Also, if he doesn’t comply and he earns the consequence, I like to say something like, “I see you have chosen to __________” (whatever the consequence is.) That will convey that this action brought about the end result.
If you find your anger rising, that is an indication to take action before your anger takes over and you either yell, or handle the situation from an emotional, rather than a rational, calm, take-charge manner.
© MMVI Vicki Panaccione, Ph.D.
Tags: angry, broken record, calm, cell phone, child, children, consequence, emotional, yell
Posted in Ask Dr. Vicki, Discipline | Add a Comment »
Sunday, January 18th, 2009
Moving out of the parents’ house for first time can be rough. Whether it’s for college, a job or the military, no matter if it’s an apartment far away or close by, there is almost always an adjustment process after leaving the nest.
“It can be a very emotional and stressful time,” said Dr. Vicki Panaccione, a child psychologist in Melbourne (FL).
Panaccione said the stress can come from nervousness, excitement, and having to take on more responsibility.
“When you move out, all of the sudden you’re juggling a lot of balls,” she said.
Beating homesickness:
From local child psychologist Dr. Vicki Panaccione:
For the newly moved out
• Make frequent contact with home. Arrange ahead of time when you will call your parents — every Sunday evening, for example. You also can keep in touch throughout the week by instant messaging and e-mails.
• Have possessions and pictures around your new place that remind you of home.
• There are many ways to get involved on college campuses. Go to the gym; find a study buddy. If you are really having a hard time, see a counselor.
For parents:
• The best way to prepare your kids for life on their own is to start early. Teach them how to do laundry and other basic life skills during their adolescence. Help them find an organizational strategy and work on scheduling before they move out.
• Encourage your child to call you instead of calling them. Sometimes you have to back away.
As published in Florida Today.
© MMVI Vicki Panaccione, Ph.D.
Tags: emotional, homesickness, leaving the nest, move out, moving out, stressful
Posted in Puberty / Adolescence | Add a Comment »
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Internationally recognized as a passionate and dedicated parent/child specialist, child psychologist "Dr. Vicki” Panaccione has spent the last 25 years helping thousands of families strengthen what she calls the "CaringConnection", the emotional bond between parents and children.
“Dr. Vicki is the author of Discovering Your Child: Parent Guide, and CaringConnections, her weekly online newsletter, helping parents find joy and fulfillment in their relationships
with their children. Read more... |
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