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Posts Tagged ‘homework’
Monday, August 17th, 2009
 My awesome son Today is my son’s birthday. At 4:05 a.m., Alex turned 23. Wow! How did that happen??? Surely I haven’t aged that much!
It seems like only yesterday that he was a baby! Then, before I knew it he was going off to kindergarten. And, I cried. “Tomorrow he’ll be going to high school,” I lamented. His dad laughed at me.
Then, sure enough… the next day he did, in fact, go off to high school. Again, I cried. “Tomorrow he’ll be going to college,” I sobbed. Now, his dad wasn’t laughing. And, then, sure enough…off he went. And now he’s in grad school!
It was amazing how different everything was without him. No more running to soccer games and band concerts; no more bake sales and book fairs; no more science fair projects and poster contests. The house was quiet, clothes and towels weren’t strewn around the bathroom, I could see his bedroom floor and there was no need to nag about taking out the garbage or emptying the dishwasher.
Sounds like every mother’s dream? Be careful what you wish for! I was miserable.
As a child psychologist, I work with parents who tend to fall into one of three categories: the ones who can’t wait for the kids to leave home, the ones who never want their kids to leave and the ones who straddle the fence.
Time flies when you’re raising kids. Sure, there are days that you feel like pulling your hair out…and your kid offering to do it for you! And, then there are the times when your heart just bursts with love.
But, we can get too caught up in the daily drudge of homework, baths and discipline. It’s easy to lose the joy of being a parent, spending time with the kids and watching them grow. So…
Yes, you can yell at your daughter for spilling her milk.
You can tell your kids to “shut up” because they get too noisy.
You can resent all the dirty clothes piled on the floor.
You can spend the day giving your son the silent treatment.
Or not!
Bottom line? It all goes away far too soon. So, here’s my advice:
- Cherish the little things
- Don’t sweat the small stuff
- Stop taking yourself so seriously
- Laugh with your kids everyday
- Pick your ‘no’s”
- Have family time on a regular basis
- Find ways to enjoy being a parent
So—how about it? Do you pick and choose your battles? Is seeing your little girl with your lipstick all over her face, or your son with his new shoes covered in mud really times to yell and blow your stack? Or are they times to clean up, reprimand and secretly smile to yourself, filing the moment in your memory bank for heart-warming reflection at a later date?
Take it from someone who knows only too well…
It’s the little things that fill your home with the sweet presence of children. And these moments will be gone before you know it. When you won’t have to deal with muddy shoes, ‘borrowed’ lipstick and dirty laundry anymore… will that be a good thing?
So, enjoy your children— they grow up way too soon!
Tags: affection, birthday, child, Child Development, children, college, Discipline, Family, high school, homework, kids, parent, Parenting, parents, praise, self-esteem, unconditional love
Posted in Family | 2 Comments »
Thursday, April 23rd, 2009
This is the time of year when we are supposed to shut off the TV for a week and find better things to do.
Groups such as the American Academy of Pediatricians and Physicians for Social Responsibility and the National Educator’s Association want us to think about the children and how fat they’re getting because they’re not playing as much as kids did in the olden days.
Between Saturday (April 22) and April 28, the TV Turnoff Week folks want us to ponder how by age 16, kids in America have seen 200,000 televised acts of violence and 18,000 dramatized killings.
There are scores of good reasons to keep the TV dark for a week, but TV Turnoff Week officially is about helping your kids think outside the idiot box. And perhaps, that can have an effect on adults, as well.
Melbourne child psychologist Dr. Vicki Panaccione says one week of no TV doesn’t do much to instill lifelong viewing habits. But it sure can force a mom or dad to think more creatively.
“It can heighten parents’ awareness and realization of just how much TV their children are watching,” said Panaccione, who believes many parents “are being held hostage by the TV.”
By the way, don’t give yourself any pats on the back because you’re spending more time watching the stupid human tricks via short clips on Google Video and YouTube.
“I lump all this electronic stuff together and say there should be limits on all if it,” she says. “I’m seeing more kids today who are angry, who are aggressive, because they are missing the developmental aspect of (social) interaction and using their imagination.”
She advises parents organize play dates where children can interact in a safe, supervised environment.
Record favorite shows and use them as rewards when kids finish chores or homework. Parents who allow kids their own TV should at least ax the cable.
As published in Florida Today.
© MMVI Vicki Panaccione, Ph.D.
Tags: chores, homework, idiot box, imagination, kids, parents, TV, TV Turnoff Week
Posted in Discipline | Add a Comment »
Thursday, April 2nd, 2009
Dear Dr. Vicki:
My daughter and all of her friends spend hours chatting/blogging on the computer and she doesn’t spend any time with me. That is all we argue about. She feels I am always harassing her about it. I HATE computers. How can I change me/it? What’s a reasonable amount of time to be on the computer? I’ve been told it’s the “teenagers” way of communicating????? Thanks.
Dr. Vicki’s response:
I hear this complaint a lot. The computer is, in fact, the way children communicate these days. The phone is basically obsolete. As children, we could spend hours on the phone, and had control of who we called. Now, the kids get on line and just wait to see who shows up. And they can have multiple conversations going at once! It is also typical that as kids get older, they tend to spend more time with friends and in their rooms than they do with their families. So, your daughter’s behavior may be very normal. However, that does not mean that you can’t do anything about it. I would advise setting some parameters regarding the computer, much as you would the phone. Have a talk with her before deciding on limits, to find out the most popular times for her friends to be on-line. That way, you aren’t cutting off her prime time.
I suggest thinking of the computer as you would the phone. After school, and later in the evening, the kids like to chat. Perhaps the limits can be an hour after school, and then an hour after homework in the evening. That should give time for other activities such as family time, reading, pursuing other interests. Just keep in mind that this is how the kids socially interact, as annoying as it may seem!
You may also want to try and designate some mother/daughter time during the weekend, whether it’s breakfast out on Sat. morning, a walk on the beach, getting your nails painted. The activity doesn’t really matter, as long as you can get some time with her.
Just remember, parents become less of a priority and friends more of one as she gets older. However, as the parent, you are still in the position of setting limits. Having a conversation with her will help you understand what realistic limits might be.
© MMVI Vicki Panaccione, Ph.D.
Tags: activities, behavior, blogging, chatting, communicate, computers, homework, limits, parameters. on-line, phone, socially interact
Posted in Ask Dr. Vicki, Family | Add a Comment »
Friday, March 27th, 2009
Top 10 Study Habit Tips
- Teach a variety of methods to use in order to absorb and retain the lesson
- Set aside time for studying and homework
- Make education a priority
- Have an area conducive to studying: well-lit, quiet, with appropriate supplies
- Teach how to break big projects down into manageable steps
- Help, don’t do
- Encourage your children to evaluate their work and correct their own errors
- Set limits and give deadlines
- Find an organizational system that works for each child
- Have your children teach you what they have learned
Tags: Education, homework, organizational system, projects, study habits
Posted in Child Development, Discipline | Add a Comment »
Friday, March 27th, 2009
Homework time can be one of the worst times of the day for children and parents, alike. Children complain, and parents become frustrated. However, homework does help children learn, and reinforce what was taught in the classroom. While there are no hard and fast rules about homework, here are a few suggestions:
TOP 10 HOMEWORK TIPS
- Set aside a daily homework time. For some children, starting homework right after school before playing works best. For others, a break before homework is more productive. You know your children best; you make the call. If your children want to play before homework, but then don’t want to settle down to work, explain that scheduling will have to change if they cannot transition cooperatively from play to work.
- Identify a specific place to do homework. For younger children, the kitchen table may provide access to you for assistance and opportunities for you to provide frequent encouragement and reinforcement. Older children should be encouraged to work in a quiet place, such as in their rooms, either at their desk, on their bed or lying on the floor (again, taking into account how your child works best.) Same thing for listening to music; however, watching TV is expressly discouraged because it creates too much visual distraction.
- Make sure that your children have the supplies necessary to conduct the work. Encourage them to take an inventory of what will be needed to complete the assignments, developing organizational and problem-solving skills.
- Schedule a certain amount of time in which your children have to engage in school-related work. This will help prevent rushing through homework in order to play, claiming to have completed it at school or denying that any was assigned. If actual homework is completed before the time is up, your children may review their lessons, read ahead or do some pleasure reading.
- Review homework with your children. Don’t do it for them!!! If you find an error, encourage them to find it on their own, and correct it rather than having you provide the right answer. Remember, homework is the time to practice skills, not just get the correct answer.
- Analyze why your children are making errors . Do they understand the concept? The instructions? Are they rushing through their work? Making careless mistakes? Do they know how to find key information in a passage? Do they have the skills necessary to complete the work?
- Praise your children for their effort, not merely correct answers. Your children need to put in effort in order to be successful. Even if the answer is incorrect, it is important to recognize the effort. “Nice try!” can go a long way to help your children feel a sense of validation for their efforts.
- Allow your children to take responsibility for their homework. If they miss an assignment, turn it in late or incomplete, allow them to experience the consequences of their actions. Do not rush to school with homework left at home. Part of the role of homework is to hold children responsible for not only doing the work, but having it in hand when it is due.
- Remain calm. Be careful not to turn homework time into a battle. If arguments arise, it is better to walk away rather than engage in WWIII. You can encourage your children to let you know when they desire or need your help, or consider seeking assistance from their other parent. And if neither of you is successful, then allow the teacher to deal with the incomplete or incorrect assignment.
- Believing in your children is the ultimate praise. Gradually, as your children show responsibility for their schoolwork, you will want to phase out your involvement in their homework and demonstrate trust in their ability to manage it on their own.
Tags: assignments, classroom, homework, problem-solving, responsibility
Posted in Child Development | Add a Comment »
Wednesday, August 13th, 2008
It’s August and a great time to be making new year’s resolutions. New school year, that is. With the school year soon upon us, the time is ripe for reflecting on the successes, as well as the trials and tribulations, of school years past. What worked? What didn’t work? In which areas did your child do well? Where were the pitfalls? What steps can be taken to make this year even better than the last one?
Many of the students I work with are touting plans to have a great school year. “I’m gonna do good this year,” (their grammar, not mine!); “I’m going to get my act together;” and on and on they go. Commendable goals, don’t you think? Yet, while parents are happy to hear their children striving for improvement and success, I am concerned about how these same children might be setting themselves up for failure. The desire to do well, perform better and raise their GPA’s, is something we would like all of our children to develop. How they actually accomplish this, is another story.
The weakness in many of these cited resolutions is lack of planning and forethought. Children are expecting to do things that they have not a clue how to accomplish, or that are simply unrealistic. This is where they find themselves in a no-win situation. And this is how they end up with a repeat of last year’s problems, and with yet another blow to their self-confidence.
When a student tells me, “I’m gonna do good this year,” I want to know what that means to him. Many times they have no idea what to do; they just know they want to do it. My inquiry to the specifics of ‘doing good’ tends to be met with a litany of changes: “I’m gonna do all my homework, I’m gonna get all A’s, I’m gonna study more, I’m gonna, I’m gonna, I’m gonna.” To which I respond with something like, “It’s really great you want to do all these things; what got in your way from doing them last year?” I want to see if they know why homework didn’t get done, what kinds of grades they received, what it actually means to study, etc. It is only after we explore the facts of what happened in the past that we can set specific, realistic goals for the coming year.
This kind of analysis is quite eye-opening. It also offers a way to develop resolutions that are realistic rather than impossible to reach. Developing realistic expectations is the key. It is wonderful for students (as well as parents) to expect successful performance. While expectations can be set high, they also must be realistic. For example, if a student made failing grades last year due to disinterest and lack of effort, then getting all A’s might be a realistic goal. However, if a child who has been struggling and making D’s and F’s tells me he plans to make all A’s, it is very likely that he will fall short of his goal. And typically, once a child realizes that his goal cannot be reached, his efforts to succeed will diminish. It is our job as parents to set high, but realistic expectations, and teach our children to do the same. In this case, it is more helpful to set a goal for improvement of last year’s grades. Striving for all A’s out of the starting gate is not realistic. Starting off with the goal of no F’s and at least one C, for example, is much more likely to be attained. From that accomplishment, can come further goal-setting for the next increment of success.
So, much like the resolutions we make on January 1st each year, our child’s resolutions also need to be realistic and planned out. When we plan to lost 20 pounds in a month, we fail. When we plan to lose two pounds a month, with a healthy eating plan, we are much more likely to be successful. Such is the same for new school year resolutions. Unrealistic goals on the part of parent or child are likely to fail, breeding frustration and poor self-esteem. Setting your sights on realistic horizons will help your child soar into this new school year.
As published in the Hometown News.
© MMVI Vicki Panaccione, Ph.D.
Tags: goals, homework, new school year, new year’s resolutions, realistic expectations, resolutions
Posted in Education | Add a Comment »
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Internationally recognized as a passionate and dedicated parent/child specialist, child psychologist "Dr. Vicki” Panaccione has spent the last 25 years helping thousands of families strengthen what she calls the "CaringConnection", the emotional bond between parents and children.
“Dr. Vicki is the author of Discovering Your Child: Parent Guide, and CaringConnections, her weekly online newsletter, helping parents find joy and fulfillment in their relationships
with their children. Read more... |
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