The behaviors you model are the behaviors your children will learn. If you want them to be responsible, kind, respectful, moral, independent, loving, honorable, etc., then, you must show them how to lead an honorable, kind, moral, respectful, etc. life. Knowing that they can count on Mom and Dad to ‘do the right thing’ provides a strong sense of security and stability for your children, and a model by which they can fashion their lives. They may drift astray, but are likely to come back to being the kind of person you modeled.

Top 10 Tips to Teach by Example

1. Love each other. Taking care of your marriage or significant relationship is a very important model for your children. Expressing affection, respect, interest and consideration to your spouse is the best way to ensure that your children will seek out this kind of nurturing relationship. Similarly, the relationship you have with your children is their model of how to be a parent. Raising your children in a home where love, kindness, affection and consideration abound is the best model there is.
2. Live your life the way you want your children to live theirs. This is not referring to material possessions. This isn’t about the house you have, the clothes you wear or the car you drive. This is referring to your outlook on life, and how you choose to live it. Life can be fun or a drudge. It can be loving or hostile. You can be miserable or happy. You can enjoy your job or you can feel underpaid and unappreciated. And you can either stay in a rut, or do something about it. The way you live your life has a great deal to do with attitude, and the way you handle things as they come along. If you live a ‘glass is half empty’ life, then that is the life you are scripting for your children. The attitudes you have and the messages you send will impact the way your children will believe life should be. So, show them that life is a ‘glass over-flowing with abundance’. And, live it well.
3. Be honest. Honesty is a fundamental quality you want to instill in your children. Tell the truth, and do what you say. This will allow them to count on you, and learn to be dependable, reliable and trust-worthy. Only make promises you are absolutely certain you can keep—and I only know of one: I promise to love you forever. Otherwise, it’s best to tell your child that you will try your very best; you will see what you can do, etc. rather than write something in stone that may not be fulfilled.
4. Show respect for others. When you treat your children with respect, they learn to respect others. And the way you interact with anyone in your life is the model they learn for interacting with those same groups of people. So, the way in which you interact with your mate, your children, coworkers, neighbors, authority figures, strangers, those less fortunate, those of diverse culture, faith and abilities, are being observed and learned. If you treat others with politeness, so will your children. If you treat them with bias, bigotry and disrespect, so will your children.
5. Take good care of yourself. You only have one body. Treat it well. Taking care of yourself includes: healthy eating, staying in shape, getting enough sleep, getting medical treatment when needed and avoid smoking, (excessive) alcohol use and all illegal substances. Secondly, it means staying safe: wear your seat belt, don’t drink and drive, etc. Thirdly, it involves having fun, being active and keeping socially and emotionally fit, as well. The better you take care of yourself, the better you are able to enjoy life, take care of your children, and show them how to honor themselves and take care of their bodies.
6. Take responsibility for your actions. Many people try to make excuses, blame others, or lie their way out of situations. Admitting when you are wrong can be a tough thing to do. So can offering sincere apologies. When your children hear you owning up to your mistakes, and offering heart-felt apologies, they will learn how to be honorable and up-standing, as well.
7. Express your feelings. Your children need to learn how to express their feelings in healthy, respectful ways. The way they learn is by observing the way you express your feelings. Is that alright with you? Or does it make you cringe? Do you talk about your feelings or hold them in and let them build up? Do you allow yourself to cry? Is your way of expressing anger, for example, the way you would want your children to express theirs? Do you tend to take your anger out on your children? Do you overreact to a situation because you are already stressed for other reasons? After the dust settles, are you sorry for letting things get out of hand?
8. Use positive coping skills. Developing healthy coping strategies and constructive outlets involves self-control. Your children will experience stress, disappointment and other negative emotions that they will have to cope with. Cussing, yelling, slamming doors or using unhealthy crutches (such as cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, over-eating) are behaviors that will be learned if observed. Show them how you cope, using positive, healthy skills and outlets. Talking through the problem, exercising, relaxing, alone time, appropriate physical activity are all great outlets. And when you find yourself using coping skills that your children cannot do (i.e.-get in the car and take a drive), then help them find something equally effective.
9. Be kind and compassionate. There are so many opportunities to care for the needs of others, instilling kindness and compassion in your children. Donating out-grown clothes, toys and books to the charity of your choice is a wonderful way for children to learn there are those less fortunate. When making these donations, be sure to take your children with you and explain to them the reason their discarded items will be welcomed and appreciated by others. Donating food to a shelter or food bank on a regular basis can also be done with your children. Buying an extra set of school supplies for children too poor to buy crayons, pencils and backpacks can strike a chord. Your children would be amazed that others do not have what they take for granted.
10. Follow the rules. If you teach your children the rules, but don’t follow them.guess what! They may be forced to follow the rules as children, but they are learning that when they grow up they don’t have to abide by them. If you teach your children the rules and then make excuses why you don’t have to follow them, guess what! Then don’t be surprised when you one day hear your new driver say, “But I only had one beer!” Teach by example and your children will become law-abiding, moral adults.