| |
Posts Tagged ‘parents’
Monday, June 21st, 2010
QUESTION: I recently read an article you wrote about babies and self-soothing. It was sent to me by the mother of my first grandchild. I am a bit concerned about her interpretation of the self soothing techniques you mentioned. Is it necessary for a 10 week old baby to cry for 15 to 20 minutes, multiple times each day to self-sooth? And during these self-soothing times is it advisible to leave the baby unattended and go outside because the crying is too stressful to listen too? Is it not teaching him that he has to cry longer and harder to get the attention he needs? The article was very good and I agree with the philosophy but it seems that it would apply more to a toddler than an infant.

DR VICKI’S ANSWER: Thank you for your question. I have had several inquiries about this topic.
Basically, I was a clinical source for the author who constructed the article. That being said, I will be glad to clarify my position. I call parenting a juggling act, because there is always a need to find balance between too much and too little—too much/too little intervention, too much/too little discipline, etc. This is true for babies, as well. I certainly do not mean to allow a new-born to be in severe distress. I think it’s extremely important to develop a very strong foundation of security for infants; making sure that they know their needs will be taken care of, and that there is someone there to watch over them. That’s different than delaying the development of their self-soothing mechanism. Constant and immediate intervention, to the point of experiencing virtually no discomfort or frustration, keeps the baby from working on calming themselves by discovering their fingers, looking at objects, etc. Basically, when articles are written and experts are quoted, the intention is to raise the issues and encourage parents to consider the extent to which they apply to their infants, kids, teens, etc. Parents still need to follow their own intuition and develop their own ‘juggling’ skills to meet the developmental needs of their kids.
Hope this provides clarification. Thank you again for reading the site, and also for posing the question.
Enjoy your kids!
Tags: babies, crying, infants, kids, Parenting, parents, self soothing, teens Posted in Ask Dr. Vicki | 2 Comments »
Friday, June 18th, 2010
Kids are from Krypton, Parents are from Pluto Radio Series Update June 17: What to do when you hear: “Mom, there’s nothing to do.” (Part 2)
Hope you had a chance to have your kids work on their dream boards this week. If not, it’s a great project to do for Father’s Day! What a meaningful gift—presenting dad with posters of their kids’ dreams. Additionally, this week I introduced another project that you can do with your kids—appealing to all age groups…Scrap-booking. It’s a wonderful opportunity for kids to snap new photos, and sort through old photos to create their own memory book. This is also a great family project that can start conversations and story-telling about little mommy and daddy stories, as well as stories about the kids when they were younger. Scrap-books are wonderful keepsakes, and can be added to as your kids grow. Creating memory books is a wonderful way to foster family closeness and generational bonds. Telling stories about when you were growing up tickles kids to know that you were once a kid, in trouble, causing mischief and generally being just like they are! Happy Father’s Day!
Top 5 Tips of the Week:
- Capture the memories and treasure them through photos and drawings
- Develop creative projects that can appeal to every aged child individually
- Use scrap-booking to get the conversation going and keep it going
- Give each of your kids a memory book that they can add to as they grow
- Show your kids you love them…through your words and your actions
Enjoy your kids!

Tags: dream boards, Fathers Day, kids, memory books, mom, parents, scrapbooking Posted in Family, Parenting | Add a Comment »
Tuesday, June 8th, 2010
I have the privilege of being the parenting specialist for Nickelodeon’s website, parentsconnect.com. This week, they are giving away DVD’s, Director’s Chairs and Tubs of Popcorn at our Movie Party. Tune in June 9th. If you miss this event, there are lots of others coming up very soon. Go to parentsconnect.com and sign up for their free newsletter so you will be notified of all future events! See you at the movies!
Enjoy your kids!

Tags: http://www.parentsconnect, kids, Nickelodeon, Parenting, parents Posted in Parenting | Add a Comment »
Monday, June 7th, 2010

“Kids Across/Parents Down” is the #1 family crossword in newspaper syndication. Created by Jan Buckner Walker, the puzzle–with down clues geared to parents and across clues geared to kids–encourages families to have fun together. It’s an entertaining, educational puzzle for kids ages 5-13. Kids Across/Parents Down gets parents actively involved and draws young people into the newspaper. Please go check out the creator’s website!
This gets a big thumbs up from me!
Tags: crossword, educational, Family, Jan Buckner Walker, kids, parents, puzzles Posted in Education, Family | Add a Comment »
Thursday, June 3rd, 2010
Kids Are From Krypton Parents Are From Pluto radio series update June 3: Spending time with your kids doesn’t have to cost a lot. The important thing is spending some time with your kids. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate activity and it doesn’t have to cost much money. It’s the time together that’s priceless. Here are some freebies or inexpensive activities you can do:
- Free matinee movies, free activities at the library
- Free activities for good grades such as: the bowling alley, a pizza place, book store
- The park—play Frisbee; kick a soccer ball; do potato sack races or 3-legged races; kick ball—some of the school yard games kids love
- The community pool—some places even have free swim lessons
- Sign kids up for a free/inexpensive activity and then cheer from the sidelines
- The beach—remember sand castles? Beach balls? Burying bodies in the sand?
- Go to the zoo. Family passes are usually pretty inexpensive—and then you have a built-in activity all year long. Many zoos have activities for the kids. And in a lot of cases, your zoo pass is accepted at other zoos around the area and/or museums. Check it out!
- Batting cages, putting greens (many golf courses have putting greens to practice without cost) or get a bucket of balls and hit at the driving range
- Miniature golf
- Feed the ducks and eat the bread as you go along
- Go to the dollar store—-pick out some things to put in a treasure chest as rewards or surprises
- Even theme parks and water parks like here in FL—have cut a lot of admission costs, or have FL resident passes, etc.
- Go fishing in the local pond or lake
- Camp out in the backyard, or in the living room!
- Roller skate or bike rides around the block. Parents—please wear helmets, too. Be a role model!

And if you just want to stay at home, there are lots of things to do:
- Make up a treasure hunt, a scavenger hunt—right in the house!
- Baking cookies, ice cream sundae bar, make your own pizzas—be creative
- Have dessert for breakfast
- Make popcorn for lunch and watch a movie
- Plan a movie night
- Camp out in the living room
- Make a fort out of a big cardboard box
- Crafts—looms, beading, knitting, arts and crafts, finger painting
- One girl decided she’d like to make a house for her cat—get creative
- Play dress up and make a movie
- Make a play to perform for the working parent, or video and send to grandparents
- Get started on making Xmas gifts
- Build a model together or get creative with Leggos, blocks…bring out the old Lincoln Logs or Tinker toys
- Play charades, guessing games, card games
- Do a big puzzle together
- Sing songs, have your kids share their music with you
The possibilities are endless— How about sending in some of your ideas??? Ask your kids!
Top 5 Tips of the Week:
- Take time to have fun with your kids
- You can find fun to do at home, outdoors or an inside activity
- Having fun doesn’t have to cost a lot of money
- Be creative and flexible—lighten up and laugh a lot
- Show your kids you love them…through your words and your actions
Enjoy Your Kids!

Tags: activities, beach, frisbee, http://www.heartbeatradiousa.com, kids, Kids are from Krypton Parents are from Pluto, parents, puzzle, zoos Posted in Family, Parenting | Add a Comment »
Tuesday, June 1st, 2010
Well, the American Idol 2010 has been revealed! For those of you who are not familiar with this show, it is a vocal talent show to choose the most talented singer in America. To the winner goes a million dollar music contract and international exposure.

Starting out with about 10,000 hopefuls, the top 24 are chosen and then each one is eliminated until the top 10 are chosen. These talented singers will tour as a group this summer, performing in front of thousands and thousands of adoring fans. And the main man, the featured event will be the newly crowned, Lee DeWyze, the 2010 American Idol.
The top ten are all very talented artists in their own right. Yet, none of them were headed for stardom. Two are teenagers still in high school, one worked as a house painter, others a glass blower, a personal trainer and a teacher at her local church. Others played in local bands, sang in their church choirs and raised children, one as a single mom. These were all ordinary people with big dreams. Until…American Idol auditions offered an opportunity to pursue their dreams. AND, they took it!
Your kids can, too!
Now, they may not be the future American Idol…or why not? As parents, you are entrusted with the responsibility of providing opportunities for your kids to grow and develop on their path. You are mandated to seek out ways to encourage them to follow their dreams.
These talented American Idol singers have been given the opportunity to follow their dreams. What are you doing to help your kids follow theirs??
Your children are the keepers of their dreams. And you, their parents, are their guiding light.
Help your children become their
own version of an American Idol.
Tags: American Idol, children kids, dreams, Lee DeWyze, parents Posted in Child Development, Parenting | Add a Comment »
Monday, May 24th, 2010
How far do you take a history lesson?
I was called by the Delaware News Journal to comment on a story about a history lesson in a Delaware school, that had, perhaps, gone too far. The article, as published in the journal on May 4, 2010 read,
“Eleven-year-old Micaela Reyes’ best friend and four other students were sold into slavery last week during a private-school lesson in Roman history and behavior reinforcement. The exercise was incorporated into a fifth-grade history lesson titled “Rome, Ruler of the Ancient World” at Eagle’s Nest Christian Academy, a school in Milton for pre-kindergarten through eighth grade. The five students who were auctioned off to classmates had low merit points, said Reyes’ mother, Margaret, who called the lesson “demeaning.”
Child psychologist (Dr.) Vicki Panaccione of the Better Parenting Institute in Melbourne, Fla., said teaching history experientially is a good way to explain practices and occurrences of the day. But, she said, singling out low-performing students and using them as slaves only serves to enforce a negative stigma.
“If they volunteered, that would have been one thing,” she said. “But to take the kids at the bottom of the (academic) performance — that’s just like putting a big ‘L’ for loser on their foreheads.”

My comments in the article only begin to voice the concern I had about this exercise. Slavery was abominable, no doubt about it. And, trying to simulate it in a learning experience can be an effective way of teaching. That being said, if the kids auctioned were volunteers, or were chosen by some random criterion (i.e. blue eyes, below a certain height, seated in the first row, etc.) that would be more palatable. But to choose them based on their number of merit points (earned by grades, behavior, etc.) can cause not only embarrassment, but long lasting damage to their self-esteem.
Kids with low grades, lesser capabilities, etc. already are painfully aware of their limitations or how they measure up to their peers. Singling them out to play a demeaning role is just poor judgment. Not only that…school is supposed to be a safe place for children. It shouldn’t be a place to be singled out for potential ridicule, or worse…internal shame. Let’s teach this lesson as it should be: by having everyone take turns, first being the auctioned slaves, and then being their owners. There is something to be learned by the idea of ‘owning’ someone and putting a value on his/her worth, just as much as to experience the degradation of being treatment as an object to be bought.
Click here to read the complete story.
UPDATE: I would like to share with you a comment sent to me from the parents of Michaela Reyes’ mother:
Dear Dr. Vicki,
I personally wanted to thank you for your assessment of the slavery auction on the children at my daughter’s school. She suffered after the article and was singled out for punishment by the teacher, and was then accused of practicing witchcraft because her shirt was untucked. not withstanding, she was the top performing child academically in her entire grade.
She is an amazing child – and I am so proud of her resilience and her performance inspite of all that happened and did not fail to tell her. I also showed her your article to re-enforce she was right.
so thank you again.
Sincerely,
Margaret and Micaela Reyes
Tags: child psychologist, children, kids, Parenting, parents, slavery Posted in Parenting | Add a Comment »
Thursday, May 20th, 2010

“Kids are from Krypton: Parents are from Pluto” Radio series update May 20: School’s getting out: Is that a good thing? What I find is parents fall into one of two categories: those who are thrilled to have the kids home, and the others who dread summer and can’t wait for school to start again. For some, summer is a friend; for others a foe. Same event; different responses. Why? One word…ATTITUDE! The messages that you send yourself, whether positive or negative, whether conscious or unconscious determine your attitude. And, ATTITUDE is everything.
Take the zoo, for instance. If you are looking forward to taking your kids to the zoo, you might be thinking: “I remember going to the zoo as a kid. I always liked the giraffes best. It will be fun to share it with my kids.” If your attitude is positive, you’ll probably smile and be enthusiastic. As a result, your kids will feel as though you really want to be with them, and you will probably all enjoy the day and each others’ company.
On the other hand, your thinking could go something like this: “I have so much to do today, I wish I could get out of talking the kids to the zoo again; I really don’t like the heat and the smell. And, really…how many times do they need to see a giraffe, anyway? Then, guess how your day will be? As a result of these negative messages, you will probably be miserable, act impatiently and your kids will sense your annoyance, feeling as though you really don’t want to be with them. They may even act out in frustration.
So, which do you choose? Would you like to have pleasant times to create lasting memories? Or, another annoying day to add to your long list? Attitude is everything. You get to choose.
Enjoy your kids!

Tags: attitude, Kids Are From Krypton, Parenting, parents, Parents Are From Pluto, school's out, summer, zoo Posted in Family, Parenting | 2 Comments »
Wednesday, May 12th, 2010
How was your Mother’s Day? Lovely, I hope. Filled with flowers, hearts and good behavior from the kids? How is your day today? Still full of hearts and flowers…or back to the same old, same old?
Do your days go something like this?:
“Johnny, did you hear me?”
“I hate you!”
“How many times do I have to tell you…?”
“Whatever…”
“Apologize to your sister!”
“I wish I was never born.”
“You did what???”
“HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!”
“I don’t care.”
“I feel like I’m beating my head against the wall…”
“I’m stupid.”
“Clean your room.”
“You don’t understand.”
“Go to bed!”
“He started it!”
“Just ignore it.”
Sound familiar?
Day after day I see families in my office whose children treat their parents with hostility and defiance. Or with disregard. The lack of respect for authority is rampant. And parents oftentimes feel powerless, and overwhelmed. “What can I do?” is a frequent lament that I hear. Many parents have abdicated their authority, and their children are growing up with disrespect.
And then, once a year, these same children stop and ‘honor’ their mothers. Sure, flowers, breakfast in bed and homemade or store-bought cards and gifts are wonderful. It’s nice to be treated with respect and appreciation.
But once a year is not enough!
Once a year is hypocrisy.
Now don’t get me wrong. I think special days should be celebrated. Like birthdays, anniversaries, life cycle events. They deserve some extra celebration. However, it is not enough to honor, show appreciation and respect just once a year. These are life lessons that need to be taught to our children, and modeled and practiced on a regular basis. The year should be full of acts of kindness, celebrations of our children and parents, appreciation for one another and cooperation and partnership within the family.
Tags: children, Family, flowers, kids, Mother's Day, Parenting, parents Posted in Family, Parenting | Add a Comment »
Thursday, May 6th, 2010
Kids are from Krypton, Parents are from Pluto: Radio series update May 6: When’s the last time someone told you that you were doing a great job? How about that you are doing a great job being a parent? We all need to feel good about ourselves, and about what we are doing.
In the midst of trying to raise kids, you might find yourself just focusing on what you have to do, what you didn’t do, what you didn’t do right—and never take time to pat yourself on the back. Well, today’s show did just that: Looked at what you are doing right. And before you start yes-butting, just know that while there’s always more you can do, celebrate the things you are already doing. For instance, think about how much you do to teach moral and values; spend time together; set a good example; show them how proud you are; value their education; and most importantly, love them unconditionally. Please feel free to add more ‘rights’ of your own. And at the end of each day, I encourage you to stop and think about not went wrong or what you didn’t get done. Instead, think about what you did right—and give yourself a pat on the back!
Top 5 Tips of the Week:
- Pat yourself on the back for something each day.
- Focus on what you enjoyed about your kids each day.
- Find 10 things each day to be grateful about.
- Celebrate all wins!
- Show your kids you love them…through your words and your actions.
Coming up next week: the do’s and don’ts of discipline.
Enjoy your kids!

Tags: celebrate. http://www.heartbeatradiousa.com, Discipline, Education, kids, Kids Are From Kyrpton Parents are from Pluto, Parenting, parents, Radio Series Posted in Discipline, Parenting | Add a Comment »
|
|
 |
|
 |
Internationally recognized as a passionate and dedicated parent/child specialist, child psychologist "Dr. Vicki” Panaccione has spent the last 25 years helping thousands of families strengthen what she calls the "CaringConnection", the emotional bond between parents and children.
“Dr. Vicki is the author of Discovering Your Child: Parent Guide, and CaringConnections, her weekly online newsletter, helping parents find joy and fulfillment in their relationships
with their children. Read more... |
|
|
|