Valentine’s Day is upon us—the one day a year we are supposed to profess our love for our mate. One day a year? What are the other 364 days for? Well, I’ll tell you what they are for…

Lots of affection, intimacy and passion!

So, why is a child psychologist giving marital advice? Because over the past 25 years, I have worked with 100’s and 100’s of children and families. And here’s what I know…

Parents who take care of their marriage, tend to take better care of their families.

Here’s why:

The marital relationship is sacred. It is the foundation of the family, the roots of the family tree, if you will. The healthier the roots, the stronger the tree and the sweeter the fruit. In other words, taking care of your relationship provides a loving basis for raising your kids. It seems that many families have children and end up focusing all their attention on the fruit that they bear. But without attention and nurturing of the roots, the tree becomes weaker and the fruits can turn to mush.

Kids learn from example. They watch you like a hawk. And, no…I am not suggesting that passion and intimacy become a spectator sport. However, when you and your partner maintain a loving, passionate relationship, you like each other more. Let’s face it—it’s much more enjoyable to be with each other with your kids, when you love the intimacy you have when you are alone.

Here’s what your kids learn:  How you treat your wife is the example they learn of how a man treats a woman. Conversely, how you treat your husband is a direct lesson of how a woman treats a man. If you want your kids to have loving relationships, then you need to set the example. It’s OK to show affection in front of them. In fact, it’s a wonderful model for them, giving them permission to be affectionate with their future mate. It also can be very comforting to kids to see their parents having a warm, close relationship. It provides a sense of security for them, as they learn that affection is related to togetherness and commitment.

Furthermore, when the passion is alive in the bedroom, the sense of closeness and oneness is carried throughout your relationship and the many roles you need to play. Liking each other and enjoying each other also helps you support each other when parenting. It is much easier to get on the same page with someone you like standing next to…and forming a strong united front is key in discipline, communication and teaching values. When your passion ignites at night, your parenting will shine all day!

Enjoy your kids…but first enjoy each other.

Happy Valentine’s Day all year long!