Parenting can be a very humbling experience. Oftentimes, we feel at a loss about what to do. In those cases, I propose using the rule of T.H.U.M.B. I’m not talking about your green thumb (or in my case a brown thumb!), but rather your golden T.H.U.M.B. Like the Golden Rule, your golden T.H.U.M.B. provides a guideline to take you back to basics.
The acronym T.H.U.M.B. uses each letter to represent a key element to successful parenting. Instead of starting with T, I’m going straight to the heart of the word, to U, where I think successful parenting begins.
U is for unconditional love. The unconditional love of a parent is without question the most important message to convey: “No matter what you do, I will always love you.” It is crucial to separate out disapproval regarding a behavior vs. constant love for your child. Unconditional love also means unconditional validation, expressing belief that your child is a valued, special person without needing to prove his/her self. It is about the person your child is, and not about what he or she does.
OK, Back to T. T is for Tuning In to your children. Recognizing their unique qualities and needs allows you to take these into consideration when interacting with them. Of course, in order to do this, you need to spend time (another T) to really get to know them, and listen to what they have to say. Allow their styles and preferences to be expressed and considered when making behavioral demands
H is for Honor. It means honoring and respecting your children, speaking and treating them as you would want to be treated. When we treat children as worthy of honor, they will be more likely to honor others. Honoring does not make them peers; it makes them valued members of the family.
M is for Modeling Behavior. The behaviors you model are the behaviors your children will learn. If you want them to be responsible, kind, respectful, moral, independent, loving, honorable, etc., then, you must show them how to lead an honorable, kind, moral, respectful, etc. life. Knowing that they can count on Mom and Dad to “do the right thing” provides a strong sense of security and stability for your children, and a model by which they can fashion their lives. They may drift astray, but are likely to come back to being the kind of person you modeled.
B is for Be there! Pure and simple. Make sure your children know that you will always be there for them—no matter what! This will provide them with the security to venture forth into the world, with the knowledge that if they ever need a back-up or support, they can count on you.
So, maintaining a healthy relationship with your child, involves following your rule of T.H.U.M.B.: Tune in, Honor and respect, Unconditional love and validation, Model desirable behavior, and Be there!
When you are at a loss, look no further than your T.H.U.M.B. Let it be a reminder to get back to basics and put these principles into action. These simple steps will help bring you closer to your children. And that deserves a big thumb’s up!
As published in the Hometown News.
© MMVI Vicki Panaccione, Ph.D.
